Guy: Would you like to dance? Girl: no Guy: Good! Because I have to go take a shit!

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(this is only funny if ur a guy!) you go to a party im a man you get a drink im a man you laugh with friends im a man u see a hot chick im a man you invite her over to ur place im a man you go up in the bedroom im a man you go to pull her pants off im a man and she says... im a man!

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nice kid... want another?

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Girl, you must have fallen from heaven...because you're dead.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Blob fish are ugly and so are you.

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He: pick a number between 1 and 10 Her: 8 He: you lose take your top-off!

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boy: you remind me of the 20 letters of the alphabet girl: there's 26 boy: how could I forget U R A Q T girl: that's 5 boy: you can get the D later girl: you mean the V?

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You're so beautiful you could be a tree... Or a high class prostitute

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Yeah... you'll have to do.

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I need a fire extinguisher, because my heart is on fire! If you ever talk to me again, I will need a fire extinguisher because I will set myself on fire.

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If I said you had a beautiful body I'd be lying.

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Boy: I want to get into your pants. Girl: No way! I already have an ass in there!

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Woman: lol you are get nervous when I speak to you! Man: Yeah, I get nervous when fucking ugly attention seeking bitches speak to me, nothing personal its just you being a fucking ugly attention seeking bitch which happens to be speaking to me. Moral: Flawless Victory.

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At the library: So girl, how about we find a nice quiet place? Moral: Location, location...

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Pooh... my my... it sure its fucking cold outside, I have cooled down now, excuse me while I get back to... My well... Je ne sais quoi... Allright, foursome sex! There you got it, thumb this bitch down because I dont like bragging, but these girls dared me to do it, and we all gotta provide and share ;) Moral: I am the only man of course feck! The alternative is disguting!

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Guy: what do this pickup line and your face have in common? Girl: what? Guy: they are both poorly constructed.

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Talk to me or I'll burn your face with this acid.

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- You're so hot, that if you ate a piece of bread, you'd poop out toast! -You're so cold that if you drunk a glass of water, you'd poop out ice.

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Man- According to my magic watch you're not wearing any underwear. Woman- Yes, I am! Man- Damn! I guess my watch is 15 minutes fast.

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He: If i were a carpenter i would nail you She: If i were a hammer i would hit you

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-You are so lovely. -DOES NOT COMPUTE...

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A Kid goes to Band Camp and comes back noticeably better at the Trumpet.

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*When you get her to your place* I'm just going to be honest. I've been on the FBI's most wanted list for quite some time now.

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M - wanna have some fun? F - No! M - 0k, i have no choice but to rape you!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!