Are you from Tennessee? Because I have a lot of family that lives there, maybe we're related.

thumb_up thumb_down +93

Real life again: I was about sixteen: Girl: Hey I hear you are good at tekken tag! Me: Yeah, but I dont play videogames anymore (a lie in order to appear "cooler") Girl: I am pretty good too! I love Kuma and Panda Me: Well, okay... Girl: Want to play with me? Me: Meh... Girl: But I really want to play with you if you know what I mean ;) Me: I dont play tekken... Girl: Not even... "Tekken" ;) ;) Me: Nah... Moral: I am a late bloomer to say the least...

thumb_up thumb_down +91

Drunk guy with high standards part 3: Man: Dunno woman... you are so big and... and... FAT and really huge and stuff but... well... uh.. you are still really damn hot so lets do it! Man: YAAAAARGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! Astronauts: Did that guy really eject himself towards the sun? Moral: At least he was right about the really hot part... and that ladies and gentlemen, is the terrible end of the amazing drunk man with high standards, you can read the whole series just by clicking onwards trough my comments and give em a thumbs ups just as you go along.. otherwise they will show up... mean they wo..

thumb_up thumb_down +49

If i could rearrange the alphabet, id violate your ass hole.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Boy: Do you have a boyfriend? Girl: I don't have a boyfriend but I have a Girlfriend !

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Male: are you from Tennessee? Female: yes, why? Male: because Tennessee has great food. Do you think we could travel there together.

thumb_up thumb_down -43

At the library: So girl, how about we find a nice quiet place? Moral: Location, location...

thumb_up thumb_down +54

If I said you had a beautiful body I'd be lying.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

-Isnt this the bus to Vermont? -No, its an pineapple without a flute. -Are you a bus driver? -No, im an umbrella!

thumb_up thumb_down -132

Male: If you were a booger, I'd pick you first. Female: If you were an ass, I would kick you first.

thumb_up thumb_down +103

- Did it hurt? - Yes.

thumb_up thumb_down +49

Guy: (Walks up to girl) "I do not think it is a girls body that makes her special, it is her personality that really counts". Girl: "Well that's to bad because you can't have sex with my personality". (Then walks away)

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Guy: Hey would you like to dance? Girl: No! Guy: Oh come on! Don't be picky. I wasn't!

thumb_up thumb_down -11

If you go out with me there might be some smegma in it for you.

thumb_up thumb_down

Woman enters gynecologist office: Man: YO I am the vaginator! Woman: Vaginator? Man: You know, the guy that is gonna fu.. I mean study your pussy with the long hard spear and see if your juices are okay and stuff... Woman: HuuuuuuuH? Moral: Writing this makes me understand why some women dont exactly enjoy a trip to the "Vaginator" so I forgot the moral and the point... my sympaties though...

thumb_up thumb_down -70

- Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? - No but I scraped my knees when I climbed up from hell

thumb_up thumb_down -5

You're one-in-a-million. That means there is roughly 7,000 people exactly like you in the world.

thumb_up thumb_down +104

Are you from Ireland cause my penis is dublin'

thumb_up thumb_down +100

Your parents must be assholes...because you're the shit.

thumb_up thumb_down +40

- Ma'm, do you have a cigarette? - I don't really want one, I just wanted to start a conversation with you.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

And then one day God invented man, the worlds third most useless invention. Moral: I cant stop laughing, thank you everybody I actually got top grades in sociology studies for this moral man crap XD

thumb_up thumb_down +222

Man:Hey, do you know what chloroform smells like? Woman:No. Man:Well, you're about to find out.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Would you like to come home with me you wetback spic?

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Close you`re eyes and open you`re mouth. *unzips pants*

thumb_up thumb_down -106

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!