I have a really big..... Bank Account

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He:*walks over* She: What is it now? He:*Unzips fly.* She : OH DEAR CHRIST NO

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Guy: Are you looking for a hot, sexy, fertile young man? Girl: No thanks, I used to be one.

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Hey chicks! I am a very experienced suicide bomber, I was even in the plane that blew up the world trade center A ;) ¨ Moral: This must be the worst pickupline ever for oh so many reasons on so many levels...

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- Hey, what do you do for a living? - Female impersonator

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Guy: If you look at your keyboard, you see U and I together. Girl: Look underneath. It says JK.

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Woman: ARGH! I hate fist-ing Man: Fist-Ing? THis tiny hand? Nah baby this is mah PINGAS! Moral: Once you go black, you cant go back.

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How much does a polar bear weigh? 1000 pounds

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Do you wanna be a pirate ship? Because there can be tons of seamen inside of you.

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Sex?

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Farewell to thy, you have been most amusing. Moral: Has left the building.

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Hey baby you looking for a stud? Cuz I've got the STD and all I need now is U

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You're ugly, but you intrigue me.

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Stop Footing Around

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Babe, you Jewish? cuz your on FIRE!

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You must be tired... I assume you are because I am after following you on your four mile run through the park today.

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Real life anti Joke mambo number five: Me: Hey wanna do it? Girl: I am a nun now remember? Me: Yeah but I always wanted to do it with a nun ;). Moral: She forgave me, nine years later :P

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Happy BirthdaySean!

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Guy: (any sexual pick up line) Girl: I'm sorry but I don't think there is enough room in my pants for two assholes.

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Hey... wanna hang out with a guy that thumbs ups his own comments? ;)

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male: wanna come in for a coffea? female: ok (she has a coffea) male: ok by female: by

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sound of zipper

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M. Excuse me Miss. You have seamen on the back of your jacket. W. Are you sure? It could just be Yoghurt. M. Most Definitely. I don't Cum Yoghurt.

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EVERYONE ELSE

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!