I have a really big..... Bank Account

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Want to go out? No

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- Hey, what do you do for a living? - Female impersonator

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Guy: If you look at your keyboard, you see U and I together. Girl: Look underneath. It says JK.

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He:*walks over* She: What is it now? He:*Unzips fly.* She : OH DEAR CHRIST NO

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Hey chicks! I am a very experienced suicide bomber, I was even in the plane that blew up the world trade center A ;) ¨ Moral: This must be the worst pickupline ever for oh so many reasons on so many levels...

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Woman: ARGH! I hate fist-ing Man: Fist-Ing? THis tiny hand? Nah baby this is mah PINGAS! Moral: Once you go black, you cant go back.

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Farewell to thy, you have been most amusing. Moral: Has left the building.

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Do you wanna be a pirate ship? Because there can be tons of seamen inside of you.

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How much does a polar bear weigh? 1000 pounds

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Sex?

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You must be tired... I assume you are because I am after following you on your four mile run through the park today.

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Hey baby you looking for a stud? Cuz I've got the STD and all I need now is U

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You're ugly, but you intrigue me.

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Stop Footing Around

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M. Excuse me Miss. You have seamen on the back of your jacket. W. Are you sure? It could just be Yoghurt. M. Most Definitely. I don't Cum Yoghurt.

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Babe, you Jewish? cuz your on FIRE!

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male: wanna come in for a coffea? female: ok (she has a coffea) male: ok by female: by

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You're like a drug to me. why because I'm so addicting?:) No, because you ruined my life.

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Real life anti Joke mambo number five: Me: Hey wanna do it? Girl: I am a nun now remember? Me: Yeah but I always wanted to do it with a nun ;). Moral: She forgave me, nine years later :P

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Woman and man on picnicking date at the forest: (Man gets bit in his pingas by a snake..) Man: ARGH! HEALP HEALP! Woman: OMG! I have to call the doctor! RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING Doctor! My date was bitten by a poisonous snake! What can we do! Doctor: The only option would be to suck the poison out of the bitten area or else he will probably die... "Click" Man: ARGH! WHAT DID THE DOCTOR SAY! PLEASE ITS GETTING NUMB! WHAT DID HE SAY! Woman: He said you are gonna die... :( Moral: She may not have sucked, but this sure did :P

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Do women shake the petrol pump after filling or is that just a guy thing?

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Happy BirthdaySean!

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Hey... wanna hang out with a guy that thumbs ups his own comments? ;)

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!