-You are so lovely. -DOES NOT COMPUTE...

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- You look really nice - I know

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I wouldn't it's fine the way it is

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Welcome to DIE!

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Hey, does this smell like chloroform to you?

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Guy: So do you wanna come over to my place? Girl: Not really but thanks for the offer.

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Guy: Hey babe, do you have a GPS... I'm lost in your eyes. Girl: Make a U-Turn

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Is someone following you? Cuz ive been seeing people behind your back.

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I dont have sex on the first date - only if the opportunity comes

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Hey Clarkson, you know about this pointless invention Named Nero The Moral man? Clarkson: No. Nero: No. Is this because horsehead network sucks? Clarkson: Yes. Nero: WTF AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE! Oh yeah I am fucking it away... Fuck me, every girl around me just ends up completely fucked.... ;)

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If i could rearrange the alphabet, id put my dick in your mouth.

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MAN: hey, are youa gust of wind? cause you blow me away! WOMAN: really? that makes me happy! i was getting kinda sick of you being here!

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Guy: Hey would you like to dance? Girl: No! Guy: Oh come on! Don't be picky. I wasn't!

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Excuse me lady, may I say that you got wonderful hands? Aww please yes. Would you like a drink my buy? Please :D How classy. Why thank you, would you fancy some hard anal sex on camera for end up on youtube? Moral: He is keeping it classy...

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Do you believe in love at first hear? Because ive never dated a blind chick before.

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I'd hit that.... with a truck.

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Have you been followed? 'Cuz i've been seeing people behind your back.

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rohypnol. rape drug

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Guy: Hey want to hear a joke about my penis? No wait it's too long Girl: Hey want to hear a joke about my vagina? No wait you won't get it.

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Would you like a free breast reduction consultation?

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From 1 to America how free are your tonight? North Korea

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Are you a fart? Because you just blew me away.

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Why couldnt susie see out her window? She was not home, see was to busy drowning in the ocean.

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- Ma'm, do you have a cigarette? - I don't really want one, I just wanted to start a conversation with you.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!