Soon

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Male - Hey girl, do you want to dance? Female - No. Male - C'mon, lower your standards a little....I did.

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I think your cute. I though you were cute, until I saw you...

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If i could rearrange the alphabet, id put my dick in your mouth.

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rohypnol. rape drug

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-Isnt this the bus to Vermont? -No, its an pineapple without a flute. -Are you a bus driver? -No, im an umbrella!

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Your parents must be assholes...because you're the shit.

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A guy asks a girl in the bar if he can buy her a drink she denies saying that alcohol is bad for her legs the guy asks why do they swell? No. they spread.

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Close you`re eyes and open you`re mouth. *unzips pants*

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If your right leg was Thanksgiving and your left leg was Christmas, could i come between the holidays?

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Chick:- Don't worry, we all get nervous when we meet people. My brother: yeah, but my buttcrack gets sweaty & smelly when i get nervous!

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" Grab your coat love ...it's cold in my basement"

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Man:Hey, do you know what chloroform smells like? Woman:No. Man:Well, you're about to find out.

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If I said you had a beautiful body I'd be lying.

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Why couldnt susie see out her window? She was not home, see was to busy drowning in the ocean.

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At the library: So girl, how about we find a nice quiet place? Moral: Location, location...

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Would you like to come home with me you wetback spic?

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You're parents must be assholes because baby you're the shit!

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From 1 to America how free are your tonight? North Korea

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Boy- Can I buy you a drink? Girl- Sure, after seeing your face I'll need the strongest thing that they have.

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He: Did you fall from Heaven? She: Well... He: 'Cos I got an erection. She: -__-

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He - Hey Dreamboat! She - *turns around He - No you, shipwreck

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Real life again: I was about sixteen: Girl: Hey I hear you are good at tekken tag! Me: Yeah, but I dont play videogames anymore (a lie in order to appear "cooler") Girl: I am pretty good too! I love Kuma and Panda Me: Well, okay... Girl: Want to play with me? Me: Meh... Girl: But I really want to play with you if you know what I mean ;) Me: I dont play tekken... Girl: Not even... "Tekken" ;) ;) Me: Nah... Moral: I am a late bloomer to say the least...

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-Are you a dementor? Cuz you just took my breath away... -Expecto Patronum!!!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!