guy scientist: hey can i send a probe to explore uranus? girl scientist: hey can i send a rocket with you in it to the sun/

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Have you been followed? 'Cuz i've been seeing people behind your back.

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Guy: Do you have a mirror in your pocket... Girl: Why? Because you can see yourself in my pants, I've heard that before. Guy: No, I want to check how I look before I go over and talk to your sister.

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Eyh! its me Black Metal, I seriously cant pay you right now son! Sorry if this comes late this page do not work for shit, (I bet thats why you pick this page you egomaniac son, If you was not full of em charisma id never do this alright?) Okay Overlord, I got your message, hell you know my sister loves you crazy crazy man, why the hell would I try to "hold her away" I mean fuck its banging, so yeah thumbs ups man High five for my sister, its you know, she was super shy before you showed up, now she cant do gym anymore (haha man you so hardcore) but she has lots of friends and you know... So am I absolved now Overlord Black Metal? Moral: Because this guy made me put this, man, you making me feel like a total bitch, good play son!

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Soon

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Hey you must be Jabba the slut from Starwars... why are you crying? Moral: Moral is half the battle

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I wouldn't it's fine the way it is

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Excuse me lady, may I say that you got wonderful hands? Aww please yes. Would you like a drink my buy? Please :D How classy. Why thank you, would you fancy some hard anal sex on camera for end up on youtube? Moral: He is keeping it classy...

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He: If i were a carpenter i would nail you She: If i were a hammer i would hit you

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-I love you.

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M - wanna have some fun? F - No! M - 0k, i have no choice but to rape you!

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Your parents must be assholes...because you're the shit.

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At a bar. M: I so wanna sex you! W: What? :) M: What part of sex did you not get? VAGINA! W: You have problems with your heart? (angina) :( M: Stop screwing with me bitch! W: I dont have no itch... :/ *The man gets insulted and leaves* Woman: Cute guy, I wish I wasn't nearly deaf though... Moral "patience is a virtue?" Hell no! The guy got laid with 6 women that day so the moral is "The more people listen to what you have to say, the more you will get laid this day, and a deaf woman is a challenge if she aint your way"

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A guy asks a girl in the bar if he can buy her a drink she denies saying that alcohol is bad for her legs the guy asks why do they swell? No. they spread.

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-Wanna have sex? -No -Damn

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-Are you a dementor? Cuz you just took my breath away... -Expecto Patronum!!!

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Hey baby that dress is amazing! It would look even better as a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor!

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How much do you like peanut butter?

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Hey can I have your number? No.

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Yo mama so stupid she traded her shoes for a pair of socks!

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Boy: Do you have a boyfriend? Girl: I don't have a boyfriend but I have a Girlfriend !

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- Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? - No but I scraped my knees when I climbed up from hell

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Is someone following you? Cuz ive been seeing people behind your back.

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Guy: Hey want to hear a joke about my penis? No wait it's too long Girl: Hey want to hear a joke about my vagina? No wait you won't get it.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!