Nielsen: Nice beaver! Woman: Thanks! Nielsen: No I mean you have a nice p*ssy Woman: Ah! Thank you! (cat meows) Nielsen: No I mean you have a nice wet vagina. Woman: Is this in the script? Director: CUT! Nielsen: What? Cant a man improvise? I mean OJ does it, and he is quite the nice fella... Moral: "Quite the nice fella" Yeah reminds me of good old dad, nice to everyone, and could take a lot of shit, but as much as I asked him how he was doing, I got an uppercut to the face and a nice trip in a ambulance... Started when I was 4, I crushed his upper Jaw in self defense when I was 16... ah... hmm... Why am I sharing this? Then again why not... When have I not spoken my mind.

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You're like a can of condensed milk. Short, thick, and sweet.

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If i could rearrange the alphabet, I would put 'I' and 'U' together. Really? Cos' I like it just the way it is... With 'N' and 'O' together.

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Man: Well I usually do not bang women your uh... particular size, I mean you are a bit too big for me and um... I got standards... nothing personal but... I uh.. well ok lets try... I guess I stick it here and... Man2: HEY what the hell are you doing to my trailer you drunk bastard! Moral: Standards... we all have it.... just not that much of it...

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yo im will smith yo, thats my name and I was juzz wonderin if you ever you know like the beach or bbq because stuff happen yanno and while I do some rap id just belieeve that things are a bit crazy these times so I was thinking maybe ill ask you out right? But then I was like WHAAAAAAZAAAAAAAAA and... Hey gurl where you goin im just getting warmed up. Moral: I met the guy, day one I had a great day, day two I didnt get any sleep and now I hate him, the end.

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So which of you ladies wants to recieve child support payments from me next year?

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You look like one that does not charge for sex ;)

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I understand why you not married!, you snort and farting all night, bye

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-- Hey, can I have your number? -- 12

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Im the demanding customer, your Dominos Pizza, I will make you Cum in 30 minutes or less.

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Good news: you'll never-ever-ever have a zit again. Bad news: because there's no more space for it to pop out.

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Would you like a free breast reduction consultation?

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, The holocaust was a disaster, and so are you.

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Guy: Can we go on a date? Girl: A date? You couldn't find a date if I handed you a bag of fruit!

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He - Nice shoes. She - Thanks. He - But i think they would look better in my pants.

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you have your job, I have mine, so let's do it in the kitchen

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I've got a black belt in lovin'.

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- you come here often? -i used to until you came here

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Are you from Tennessee? Youre the only 10 i see, and im 59. I bet we could 69 beautifully.

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I might not be the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one talking to you

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Hey Baby, Whats your name? Dave ...(silence)...

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-I like my woman like I like my coffee... without a penis

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What's your favorite condiment? Mine's mayonaise.

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So I saw you walk into the bar from the scope of my rifle and I was wondering if you'd enjoy some unconsentual sex in the back of my van?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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