"My mom won't be home for hours..."

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How you doin? go away- I have a gun

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Heard at a bra: Hi I am Moral man, the third most infamous guy at a list where Beiber is first. Girl: OMG I MUST HAVE YOU! Moral: ooooh... ANTI Joke duh... I thought this was great pickup lines!

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can i austrailian kiss you, its like a french kiss but down under

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- Is it hot in here, or is it just the broken A/C unit?

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"Is this seat free?" "Yes, and if you sit on it, this seat will be free too"

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Guy - Hey baby, what's your sign? Girl - ?

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Guy:I invented troll face oh yea! Girl:you gave my daughter nightmares for weeks you b****!(throws drink in face)

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Male: Get in the van.

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Girl: Hey classy older man, wanna get to know me better? Man: Sigh... sorry lady I am the man that played Gandalf in that... shitty lords of something movie... Girl: so what? Man: Sigh... you know.. Gandalf the white and Gandalf the gay...? Girl: Huh? Man: Ever seen the X-men? Girl: Yeah... Man: ONE WORD: FAGNETO! Girl: uh.. okay.. "leaves". Ian McKellen: Sigh... should have come out of the closet sooner...

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Those pants are very becoming on you, of course if i were on you id be cumming too.

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The word of the day is legs, Lets go upstairs and spread the word.

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wow youre really pretty... just kidding youre fat

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Guy: Are you an angel? Girl: Wait till I die, i'll be one.

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If I could rearrange the period table, I would put Uranium and Iodide together ;)

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girl: i like you boy with downs: i liek trains

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I'll drop my standards, if you drop your pants ;)

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Male: What's on your mind? Female: How bad you must be at sex.

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Macho Man: Release the BOGUS! Woman: What? Super Macho Man: Never mind... no one will get this anyways... wanna go to McDonalds and get a Little Mac? Woman: Ok but I want a Big mac! Macho Man: What is a Big mac? Is it stronger than a little Mac? Woman: Huh? What do you mean? Macho Man: Sigh... and I actually fought Mike Tyson you know... Woman: So you are a boxer huh? Who are you gonna fight next? Macho Man: Sigh... Mr.Dream... Woman: Who the hell is that? Macho Man: a nobody...

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Hey girl, do you have a map? Becuase I keep getting lost when i try to find your house.

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform?

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I was born beautiful, But what the hell happened to you!

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fancy going halves on a bastard?

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Woman: Hey is it true you black men have big penises? Black Man: Hell yeah woman! Mine is so big, its at least three times longer than my fist and at least 4 times as wide! Lets go get some hoe! Woman: Uh... well uh... its just that... uh... Moral: Be careful for what you wish for, when fantasy becomes reality... it may hurt....

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!