Would you like a free breast reduction consultation?

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the roses were red and the violets were nice but if you want to get with me you better up the price

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Im the demanding customer, your Dominos Pizza, I will make you Cum in 30 minutes or less.

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You have a laugh like my favorite porn star.

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Guy: Can we go on a date? Girl: A date? You couldn't find a date if I handed you a bag of fruit!

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If i could rearrange the alphabet, I would put 'I' and 'U' together. Really? Cos' I like it just the way it is... With 'N' and 'O' together.

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Me: Hey lady, you are so fucking hot I want to... Lady: FUCK ME PLEASE ME SO HORNY! Moral: One can always dream... *yawn* Zzzzzzzmooth...

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Good news: you'll never-ever-ever have a zit again. Bad news: because there's no more space for it to pop out.

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You look like one that does not charge for sex ;)

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EVERYONE ELSE

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So I saw you walk into the bar from the scope of my rifle and I was wondering if you'd enjoy some unconsentual sex in the back of my van?

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I'm your Edward and your my Bella

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-I lost my phone number. Can I have yours? -No.

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How much does a polar bear weight? Enough to break the ice... and throw you into the freezing water and drown you, because you're really ugly.

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You're like a can of condensed milk. Short, thick, and sweet.

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I love every bone in your body, especially mine.

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girl:go away! boy:okay girl:i need space boy:okay just one meter girl: no i"m not kidding boy:i know girl:my mother hate's you boy:i hate her too.! girl:we are now break boy:okay i"m hungry lets eat! girl:you don't understand me boy:no i"m understand you girl:you are philosopher i hate you boy:what? girl:nothing at the end of the story they loved each other

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-I like my woman like I like my coffee... without a penis

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-Did you fall from heaven? Because your an angel -No but did you? Because your face is fucked up!

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I've got a black belt in lovin'.

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M: Hey bitch i'll give you £50 to touch my penis. f: Simon thats an afterschool detention M: SCORE!

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Get in the van.

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Hey Baby, Whats your name? Dave ...(silence)...

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Hello I am a violent rapist, oh wait I meant to say my name first and the other much later... Moral: its official you suck!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!