Is there a mirror in your pants? If so, you should shove it up your ass, it would probably make you look better.

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I don't have a library card but do you mind if I check you out?

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Got milk? Cuz baby, im of it!

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greetings clarisse...

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Real life: Me at age 17 or something after sex... Me: Thank you! The girl gives me an ugly look left and I never saw her again (whatever she was fugly) Moral: For real guys, never EVER thank a girl for sex!

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Hey, you're cute... lets bang.

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Hey you must be Jabba the slut from Starwars... why are you crying? Moral: Moral is half the battle

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-Hey babe, wanna go to my place and bang all night long? -No you freak. -Well, I gave you a choice.

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Are your prices by the hour

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-Hey Baby, wanna date? -No thanks, I'm allergic to fruits

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"Have you ever seen a 2-incher?"

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you look fap-fap-fap-fabulous

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You have the nicest smile I could ever hope to come across.

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guy:did you fall from heaven? girl:no? guy:sorry, it just looks like you landed on your face

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Im like a thief and ill steal your virginity!

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Guy: So how about that Tom Cruise??? Guy: ... I'm in the wrong type of bar...

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Van what van? GET TO THE CHOPPAH!

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Man: You like nice guys? ;) Woman: No. Man: *bitchslap* get down on you`re knees and suck me bitch!

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Soon

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wanna try out my joystick? (gamer-joke)

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Mirrors can't talk, luckily for you they can't laugh either

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-Wanna have sex? -No -Damn

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If i could re-arrange the alphabet i'd put you and that other girl together.

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Boy: Do u have a pen? Girl: Yeah, here Boy: Umm..its out of ink Girl: What? Boy: It doesn't work Girl: R u sure? Boy: Don't believe me? Fine, u try it... Go on, write your cell phone number right here....

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!