Guy: If you look at your keyboard, you see U and I together. Girl: Look underneath. It says JK.

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—hey girl, how about you give me your phone number and I'll pay half of your order. —sure *passes a paper and paid for the things. The girl walked away* The boy flips open the paper "911, call my dad and ask for me"

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-I love you.

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B:wanna go out sometime? G:I'll go out now and get away from you.

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Young Man: Mom.. oh mom I want you so bad! Mom: I want you so bad too son! (starts ripping of clothes) Young Man: Uh... I want you to make me a sandwich... what is going on? Mom: Uh... never mind... Next day: Mom: Hey I bought you some cartoons... Young Man: Huh? I am too old for carto... HEY! :D what is this? What is this Hentai stuff? OOH! Moral: Hentai, the reason asians are smart and families stick together in Japan... sometimes they literally stick together...

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Shaved your beard, so I can see you're a woman.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Get in the car I want to rape you

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*Boy looks at cloth* -Does this smell like chlorophorm?

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Hey you must be Jabba the slut from Starwars... why are you crying? Moral: Moral is half the battle

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-Hey Baby, wanna date? -No thanks, I'm allergic to fruits

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Man: You like nice guys? ;) Woman: No. Man: *bitchslap* get down on you`re knees and suck me bitch!

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you look fap-fap-fap-fabulous

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-What's your favorite color? -bl... -mine too! Let's f***

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Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: When you ascended from the depths of hell and broke through the earth's crust?

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Close you`re eyes and open you`re mouth. *unzips pants*

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By reason or by Strength, moral man has a serious side too, and I prevail. Moral: Threats... anyone in my unit threatening another would simply be thrown in jail for a couple of weeks, then kicked out, and using military equipment to threaten, trace and murder people is highly illegal. Asshole, troll or not, I will use my right and reason to have you removed permanently from the horsehead network if you persist.

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Guy: So how about that Tom Cruise??? Guy: ... I'm in the wrong type of bar...

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Hey, you're cute... lets bang.

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I don't have a library card but do you mind if I check you out?

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He: Did you fall from Heaven? She: Well... He: 'Cos I got an erection. She: -__-

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Soon

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M. you have a sweet pussy. W. WHAT!? M. Your cat, she is very friendly

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Boy: Do u have a pen? Girl: Yeah, here Boy: Umm..its out of ink Girl: What? Boy: It doesn't work Girl: R u sure? Boy: Don't believe me? Fine, u try it... Go on, write your cell phone number right here....

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Ever kissed a bunny inbetween the ears? Nope. I'm allergic to them.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!