Hello children! :D

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Man: Wow you are my cousin? Damn girl you are hot! I mean nothing wrong you know, I was just wondering if you wanna get a innocent cup of coffee Woman: Uh, thanks, but I have never met you... Man: Not my cousin? Bah, what a turnoff im outta here... Moral: Yeah moral... Pffft! You will have an easier time finding Waldo here.

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girl: i like you boy with downs: i liek trains

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Im the demanding customer, your Dominos Pizza, I will make you Cum in 30 minutes or less.

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HIM: Where have you been all my life? HER: I don't think I was born the first half of it

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Well there's the exit, will you go out with me?

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do you like cows? no! i am a cow! oh!

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J.B: You smile, I smile. Girl: I wasn't smiling...

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he got me some KY jelly for valentines day saying it was going to make me the happiest woman in the world he was right one squirt of that stuff on my doorknob and he couldn't get in no matter how hard he tried

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Man: Your rejections cannot hurt me! Im the JuggernautBitch! *grabs couch* WHOAAAAAAAAAARGH! Woman: *dead* Man: Jugs got jugs! Hey wake up bitch! HEY! I said wake up!... Moral: Works every time

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Guy - Hey baby, what's your sign? Girl - ?

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"My mom won't be home for hours..."

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Ay Girl. Can I get yo digletts?

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Excuse me, does this smell like chloroform to you?

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- Hey, baby, are your parents retarded because you're pretty special.

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Does anyone have a toothpick? I need to pick the crabs out of the cracks of my teeth.

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Is there someone behind you? cause im seeing people behind your back

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Hey do you like mansauce? Moral: MORAL KOOOOOOMBAAAAAAAAAAT!

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So do you want tonight to be consensual or not?

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Give me everything tonight, or you might not see tomorrow. RAPIST!

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Grapist: I bet you like getting Graped, tied up and beaten muahahahahaha! I am so gonna do the worst things to you! Woman: YES PLEASE! Man: MAAAAAAAAAAAN your not fun anymore... Moral: Its not grape if she wants it... and I guess grapists dont like that... remember that girls whenever someone is gonna rape you just say YES unless they yell surprise though... then its surprise sex.

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Guy: Are you an angel? Girl: Wait till I die, i'll be one.

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wow youre really pretty... just kidding youre fat

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"Do you like me?" "Do pigs fly?"

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!