He: If i were a carpenter i would nail you She: If i were a hammer i would hit you

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Pee extra hard in a urinal when there's someone else in the bathroom so you don't seem weak

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Man:Hey, do you know what chloroform smells like? Woman:No. Man:Well, you're about to find out.

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He: Did you fall from Heaven? She: Well... He: 'Cos I got an erection. She: -__-

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him: your like the sun in the morning. her: that so sweet! him: Your very big and i can even stare at you for more then 2 secondes.

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Boy: Do u have a pen? Girl: Yeah, here Boy: Umm..its out of ink Girl: What? Boy: It doesn't work Girl: R u sure? Boy: Don't believe me? Fine, u try it... Go on, write your cell phone number right here....

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So, I hear you want to rape Nathan Skye's body.

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At a bar. M: I so wanna sex you! W: What? :) M: What part of sex did you not get? VAGINA! W: You have problems with your heart? (angina) :( M: Stop screwing with me bitch! W: I dont have no itch... :/ *The man gets insulted and leaves* Woman: Cute guy, I wish I wasn't nearly deaf though... Moral "patience is a virtue?" Hell no! The guy got laid with 6 women that day so the moral is "The more people listen to what you have to say, the more you will get laid this day, and a deaf woman is a challenge if she aint your way"

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Have you been followed? 'Cuz i've been seeing people behind your back.

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—hey girl, how about you give me your phone number and I'll pay half of your order. —sure *passes a paper and paid for the things. The girl walked away* The boy flips open the paper "911, call my dad and ask for me"

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Van what van? GET TO THE CHOPPAH!

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Guy: I believe in women's rights. That's what women deserve. Girl: Oh really? Because I was just gonna go make you a sandwich and get in bed with you, but I guess not...

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Hey, are you an angel? Because you smell like you've been dead for a while

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How much do you like peanut butter?

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-Girl I'd go through anything for you. -Good than go through a blender!

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd take you out back in the shed and screw you!

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If i could rearrange the alphabet, id put my dick in your mouth.

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*Boy looks at cloth* -Does this smell like chlorophorm?

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-Wanna have sex? -No -Damn

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-Hey Baby, wanna date? -No thanks, I'm allergic to fruits

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i am with stupid l l l \/

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Man: You like nice guys? ;) Woman: No. Man: *bitchslap* get down on you`re knees and suck me bitch!

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Guy: If you look at your keyboard, you see U and I together. Girl: Look underneath. It says JK.

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"Have you ever seen a 2-incher?"

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!