MAN: hey babe, do think that mabye someday I and U will be next to each other in the alphebet? WOMAN: well N and O are already, sooo.....

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Man: You like nice guys? ;) Woman: No. Man: *bitchslap* get down on you`re knees and suck me bitch!

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Lesbihonest

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greetings clarisse...

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You have the nicest smile I could ever hope to come across.

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If i could re-arrange the alphabet i'd put you and that other girl together.

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Shaved your beard, so I can see you're a woman.

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Ugly begins with U. But awesome ends with ME.

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Male: Hey baby you wanna play telephone, i got the string and you got the cans! Female: ...

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Hey gurl, you smell like tape!

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By reason or by Strength, moral man has a serious side too, and I prevail. Moral: Threats... anyone in my unit threatening another would simply be thrown in jail for a couple of weeks, then kicked out, and using military equipment to threaten, trace and murder people is highly illegal. Asshole, troll or not, I will use my right and reason to have you removed permanently from the horsehead network if you persist.

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M. you have a sweet pussy. W. WHAT!? M. Your cat, she is very friendly

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Girl! you are almost as awesome as horsehead network! Moral: I got balls of steel!

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Hey girl, I just fixed your pipes, I got a pipe of my own that needs some fixing if you know what I mean ;) Moral: Pornography is a lie.

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Did it hurt? When I fell from Heaven? NO! WHen you were shot up from hell for stealing my pick up line!!!

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Did it hurt when you burst through the concrete emerging from hell? Yes, yes it did.

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She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right." I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."

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Man: "Did you fall from heaven? 'Cause it looks like you landed on your face"

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Man: Hey sexy, I think I have seen you many times before... Woman: Hmmm... I do not think I have seen you before... Man: Do you happen to be used to getting raped? Woman:...... Moral: yeah it was her :( Audience: BOOOOOOOOOO! Moral: I know :(

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Guy: So how about that Tom Cruise??? Guy: ... I'm in the wrong type of bar...

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Ever kissed a bunny inbetween the ears? Nope. I'm allergic to them.

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Talk to me or I'll burn your face with this acid.

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-I know you want to ask me out. I am free anytime. -Ok, then go out.

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-What's your favorite color? -bl... -mine too! Let's f***

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!