-What's your favorite color? -bl... -mine too! Let's f***

thumb_up thumb_down -35

How do you get a black man out of a tree? Ask him nicely to come down, and if that doesn't work, he will most likely stay up there.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: When you ascended from the depths of hell and broke through the earth's crust?

thumb_up thumb_down -31

Boy: Do u have a pen? Girl: Yeah, here Boy: Umm..its out of ink Girl: What? Boy: It doesn't work Girl: R u sure? Boy: Don't believe me? Fine, u try it... Go on, write your cell phone number right here....

thumb_up thumb_down +70

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd take you out back in the shed and screw you!

thumb_up thumb_down +165

Yo imma let you finish yourself off

thumb_up thumb_down +47

Hey baby, do you play soccer? Because I think I'm gonna score tonight. ... Well, you can't score if the player ain't no good.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

I have been known to give women the best fake orgasms ever ;)

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Excuse me, does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

thumb_up thumb_down -37

By reason or by Strength, moral man has a serious side too, and I prevail. Moral: Threats... anyone in my unit threatening another would simply be thrown in jail for a couple of weeks, then kicked out, and using military equipment to threaten, trace and murder people is highly illegal. Asshole, troll or not, I will use my right and reason to have you removed permanently from the horsehead network if you persist.

thumb_up thumb_down -41

Guy- I would do anything for you. Women- I wouldn't do you for anything!

thumb_up thumb_down -59

hi how u doin fine and u well bii have a nice day DONT TELL ME WHAT TO DO

thumb_up thumb_down +30

MAN: hey babe, do think that mabye someday I and U will be next to each other in the alphebet? WOMAN: well N and O are already, sooo.....

thumb_up thumb_down -22

You're parents must be assholes because baby you're the shit!

thumb_up thumb_down +103

Ever kissed a bunny inbetween the ears? Nope. I'm allergic to them.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Do you want to dance No I suppose a blow job is out of the question then

thumb_up thumb_down -25

M. you have a sweet pussy. W. WHAT!? M. Your cat, she is very friendly

thumb_up thumb_down -99

He: Did you fall from Heaven? She: Well... He: 'Cos I got an erection. She: -__-

thumb_up thumb_down -91

Close you`re eyes and open you`re mouth. *unzips pants*

thumb_up thumb_down -103

If you were a booger, I would pick up you first.

thumb_up thumb_down +178

She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right." I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."

thumb_up thumb_down +84

*Boy looks at cloth* -Does this smell like chlorophorm?

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Im the demanding customer, your Dominos Pizza, I will make you Cum in 30 minutes or less.

thumb_up thumb_down +74

-Are you a dementor? Cuz you just took my breath away... -Expecto Patronum!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +195

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!