Look at the keyboard, u and i are together. Look underneath, it says jk.

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Do you work for UPS? 'Cause i could swear that you were checking out my package.

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guy:do you know how much a polar bear weighs? girl: ..no, how much?? guy:i dunno but probly not as much as you

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You're so hot that if someone threw a grenade at you, I'd probably throw it back because falling on it sounds like a really dumb idea.

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Are you a parking ticket because I'm spending all my money on you and wish you were gone.

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Try to put your arm around her. If she pushes you away, then say: "Relax! Relax. I'll pay for the first abortion!"

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Penis. I got it

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I love you more than my jar of fingers.

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Hello my name is Horny and... oops... I got it wrong didn't I?

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How do you get a black man out of a tree? Ask him nicely to come down, and if that doesn't work, he will most likely stay up there.

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Whats yo sign? Do not enter!

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Yeah! Keep drinking girl! Ill just lube your backdoor, what? Dont ask, just drink! Moral: I love it when women call me a pig, all men are pigs, and real women dont want some boy...

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Would you like to be the lone mother of my children?

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Haven't we met somewheer before? Yes, son.

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Are you cute? Because lets go get taco bell.

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Man: Hi ladies I am back for more if you know what I mean ;) Ladies: Get lost you damn hippie! The seventies are over! Man: Whaaat? I died for your sins you know! Moral: Ever heard of Jesus`s ladyfriends? There, now you see what I mean.

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-Get in the Van

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TURRETES (or however you spell it) GUY ON PICKUP! Man: IM GONNA RAPE YOUUUUUUUUUUUU! Woman: EEEEEEEEEEK! (runs away) Man: I mean... I tried to say you seem nice...:( Moral: BOB SAGET!

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Him: I've got something that will fill you up. Her: Sorry, I'm looking for a meal, not an appetizer.

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hey did you fall from heaven? because my car is all smashed up.

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A: Did I see you walking out of that bar or was it an angel? :D B: I'm your mom you pervert.

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Are you water? Because you are very shallow. Now GTFO.

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Me noob days the triology... Or something like that. Girl: So you looking for company or sex or something? Me: Something like that. Girl: Cool because you see my friend over there, he is gay too and...*breaking bad Doc tells Walter he has cancer sound* Last time I painted my nails black just because IT LOOKED FUCKING AWESOME OKAY!

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-Hi Honey I'm home! -I'm not talking to you! -Oh, Okay. -Don't you want to know why? -No, I trust and respect your decision dear

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!