- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Hey girl, I just fixed your pipes, I got a pipe of my own that needs some fixing if you know what I mean ;) Moral: Pornography is a lie.

why are you you touching me ????

How much does a polar bear weight? Enough to break the ice... and throw you into the freezing water and drown you, because you're really ugly.

baby please dont make this rape turn into a murder

Are your parents retarded? Because you're something special

So you want tonight to be consensual or not?

Here, flowers for a pretty lady. These arent flowers they are leaves. Well you arent a pretty lady so hah!

Excuse me, is your father a gardener? No. Why? Because he keeps leaving all his dry leaves on my sidewalk please tell him to clear it!

You're like a star in the sky. Nothing but gas.

Hey baby wanna come back to my place? Goo-goo ga-ga

I put the STD in STUD, now all I need is U.

guy:did you fall from heaven? girl:no? guy:sorry, it just looks like you landed on your face

Is there a mirror in your pants? If so, you should shove it up your ass, it would probably make you look better.

Your teeth remind me of a song Which one? Black and Yellow

Guy: (Walks up to girl) "I do not think it is a girls body that makes her special, it is her personality that really counts". Girl: "Well that's to bad because you can't have sex with my personality". (Then walks away)

-You are so lovely. -DOES NOT COMPUTE...

What's worse than walking on a beach? Not walking on a beach.

he got me some KY jelly for valentines day saying it was going to make me the happiest woman in the world he was right one squirt of that stuff on my doorknob and he couldn't get in no matter how hard he tried

Does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

GET INTO DA CHOPPAH! Moral: IM LIEUTENANT JOHN KIMBLE! I HAVE A BUNCH OF QUESTIONS YOU HAVE TO ANSWER IMMEDIATELY! Whoos your daddy? YOU STAP IT! YOU IDIEOUT!

M - If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together. F - Yeah, it's too bad that N and O are already together.

Woman: lol you are get nervous when I speak to you! Man: Yeah, I get nervous when fucking ugly attention seeking bitches speak to me, nothing personal its just you being a fucking ugly attention seeking bitch which happens to be speaking to me. Moral: Flawless Victory.

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book