I'm your Edward and your my Bella

thumb_up thumb_down -41

-I lost my phone number. Can I have yours? -No.

thumb_up thumb_down -65

Do your parents have Down Syndrome? Because your really special.

thumb_up thumb_down -40

The anti part of below comment, may be the fact that its going to get thumbed down to Hades. Moral: They see me rollin, they envious... women that look like supermodels that work as jurists dont come easy... unless you are Moral Man. *Plays moral man theme* (Character inspired by Salvador Dali, I mean what greater inspiration than the man that celebrated each day as he woke up in the body and mind of the greatest man ever? Me? Same, but I also wake up next to the greatest woman ever.)

thumb_up thumb_down -60

M - If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together. F - Yeah, it's too bad that N and O are already together.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Nielsen: Nice beaver! Woman: Thanks! Nielsen: No I mean you have a nice p*ssy Woman: Ah! Thank you! (cat meows) Nielsen: No I mean you have a nice wet vagina. Woman: Is this in the script? Director: CUT! Nielsen: What? Cant a man improvise? I mean OJ does it, and he is quite the nice fella... Moral: "Quite the nice fella" Yeah reminds me of good old dad, nice to everyone, and could take a lot of shit, but as much as I asked him how he was doing, I got an uppercut to the face and a nice trip in a ambulance... Started when I was 4, I crushed his upper Jaw in self defense when I was 16... ah... hmm... Why am I sharing this? Then again why not... When have I not spoken my mind.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What's worse than walking on a beach? Not walking on a beach.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Hey baby wanna come back to my place? Goo-goo ga-ga

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Get in the van.

thumb_up thumb_down +79

Are your parents retarded? Because you're something special

thumb_up thumb_down +35

he got me some KY jelly for valentines day saying it was going to make me the happiest woman in the world he was right one squirt of that stuff on my doorknob and he couldn't get in no matter how hard he tried

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Guy: Do you have a mirror in your pocket... Girl: Why? Because you can see yourself in my pants, I've heard that before. Guy: No, I want to check how I look before I go over and talk to your sister.

thumb_up thumb_down -62

Good news: you'll never-ever-ever have a zit again. Bad news: because there's no more space for it to pop out.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Boy: Do you have a boyfriend? Girl: I don't have a boyfriend but I have a Girlfriend !

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Are you a unicorn cause u sure look horny girl:are u a turtle cause ur really slow ur the 10th guy to hit on me.....in 5 minutes

thumb_up thumb_down -85

Did it hurt? When you fell from the hoe tree and banged every dick on the way down?

thumb_up thumb_down -87

How much does a polar bear weight? Enough to break the ice... and throw you into the freezing water and drown you, because you're really ugly.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

why are you you touching me ????

thumb_up thumb_down +28

You're like a star in the sky. Nothing but gas.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

you look fap-fap-fap-fabulous

thumb_up thumb_down -51

Does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

thumb_up thumb_down -34

He: pick a number between 1 and 10 Her: 8 He: you lose take your top-off!

thumb_up thumb_down -50

Guy: (Walks up to girl) "I do not think it is a girls body that makes her special, it is her personality that really counts". Girl: "Well that's to bad because you can't have sex with my personality". (Then walks away)

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Excuse me, is your father a gardener? No. Why? Because he keeps leaving all his dry leaves on my sidewalk please tell him to clear it!

thumb_up thumb_down +50

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!