Are your prices by the hour

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Boy: whats your name? Girl: i dont know, im just s fetus

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A: Did I see you walking out of that bar or was it an angel? :D B: I'm your mom you pervert.

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Hi I'm Shaniqua.

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Male: Hey baby you wanna play telephone, i got the string and you got the cans! Female: ...

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Ever kissed a bunny inbetween the ears? Nope. I'm allergic to them.

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Did it hurt? When I fell from Heaven? NO! WHen you were shot up from hell for stealing my pick up line!!!

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Look at the keyboard, u and i are together. Look underneath, it says jk.

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you in between F and CK.

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Do you like a trimmed bush? Because I'm a gardener. Here's my business card, call me, seriously I need the work.

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Excuse me, does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

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You look like a dog... Wana bone?

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M. you have a sweet pussy. W. WHAT!? M. Your cat, she is very friendly

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Man: "Did you fall from heaven? 'Cause it looks like you landed on your face"

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all in all it was a good orgy

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What did you do to Kelly? Why? Because she said you did her good(; What? Cuz' I heard you did that goood thing(; When? Last night on the bed, 3am(;

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I don't have a library card but do you mind if I check you out?

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I hope you like trees because I've got wood!

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Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: When you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down

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Do you work for UPS? 'Cause i could swear that you were checking out my package.

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Penis. I got it

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You're so hot that if someone threw a grenade at you, I'd probably throw it back because falling on it sounds like a really dumb idea.

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I love you more than my jar of fingers.

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She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right." I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!