-Hey babe, wanna go to my place and bang all night long? -No you freak. -Well, I gave you a choice.

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#1 You're breath smells like Skittles, can I taste the rainbow? No, because , while mine may smell like Skittles, yours reeks. #2 Girl: Hey, I got this new Kiss Proof lip gloss, wanna try it out? (there are 2 answers to this) 1.Boy: Well, yours may be Kiss Proof, but mines not, and I don't have time to re-apply this after 2. Yeah, I do want to try it out, but not with you.

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So I saw you walk into the bar from the scope of my rifle and I was wondering if you'd enjoy some unconsentual sex in the back of my van?

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He: pick a number between 1 and 10 Her: 8 He: you lose take your top-off!

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Get in the van.

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Female: Hey do you wann- Male: You got a purty mouth

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What's worse than walking on a beach? Not walking on a beach.

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-You are so lovely. -DOES NOT COMPUTE...

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I am sick of pretty girls, I want something sick smelly disgusting, fat or anorexic, with a personality that kills flowers and that makes me vomit... I guess you will have to do for now. :( Moral: At least she was not the perfect match huh? Always look at the bright side of eternal darkness.

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Im gonna rape you..

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Did it hurt? When you fell from the hoe tree and banged every dick on the way down?

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you have your job, I have mine, so let's do it in the kitchen

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why are you you touching me ????

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M - If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together. F - Yeah, it's too bad that N and O are already together.

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Do your parents have Down Syndrome? Because your really special.

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Girl, you must have fallen from heaven...because you're dead.

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- you come here often? -i used to until you came here

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Are your parents retarded? Because you're something special

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I'm your Edward and your my Bella

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Hello I am a violent rapist, oh wait I meant to say my name first and the other much later... Moral: its official you suck!

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Hey Baby, Whats your name? Dave ...(silence)...

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Guy: Do you have a mirror in your pocket... Girl: Why? Because you can see yourself in my pants, I've heard that before. Guy: No, I want to check how I look before I go over and talk to your sister.

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So which of you ladies wants to recieve child support payments from me next year?

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My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm but I accidentally gave her the glue stick, she is still not talking to me.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!