The word of the day is 'legs' , The word of tomorrow is Aardvark .

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Roses are red Violets are fine You be the 6 And I'll be the 9

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—hey girl, how about you give me your phone number and I'll pay half of your order. —sure *passes a paper and paid for the things. The girl walked away* The boy flips open the paper "911, call my dad and ask for me"

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Am I having a erection or am I just glad to see you? Moral: My d1ck in my hand is HARDly a better option than my d1ck in a bush.

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Guy: So how about that Tom Cruise??? Guy: ... I'm in the wrong type of bar...

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hi how u doin fine and u well bii have a nice day DONT TELL ME WHAT TO DO

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wanna try out my joystick? (gamer-joke)

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have a mac10. GET IN THE VAN.

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A: Did I see you walking out of that bar or was it an angel? :D B: I'm your mom you pervert.

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Man: Hi ladies I am back for more if you know what I mean ;) Ladies: Get lost you damn hippie! The seventies are over! Man: Whaaat? I died for your sins you know! Moral: Ever heard of Jesus`s ladyfriends? There, now you see what I mean.

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I hope you like trees because I've got wood!

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Yo imma let you finish yourself off

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Are your prices by the hour

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By reason or by Strength, moral man has a serious side too, and I prevail. Moral: Threats... anyone in my unit threatening another would simply be thrown in jail for a couple of weeks, then kicked out, and using military equipment to threaten, trace and murder people is highly illegal. Asshole, troll or not, I will use my right and reason to have you removed permanently from the horsehead network if you persist.

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I don't have a library card but do you mind if I check you out?

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Man: "Did you fall from heaven? 'Cause it looks like you landed on your face"

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Guy: I think I got lost in your eyes. Girl: Here's a GPS. Go find yourself.

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Yo girl... My feelings keep growing, I just have to say it, but it might be too soon, it might even risk our friendship. Awww, just say it. Ok girl, I hate you more for every day, you fucking ugly bitch, if it where not for your money, id leave right away. Moral: Its not about what you want, its about what you need, therefore I decided I only need whatever I want, case closed.

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Are you cute? Because lets go get taco bell.

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Haven't we met somewheer before? Yes, son.

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You're so hot that if someone threw a grenade at you, I'd probably throw it back because falling on it sounds like a really dumb idea.

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Boy: whats your name? Girl: i dont know, im just s fetus

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have a gun, Get in the car.

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Male: Hey baby you wanna play telephone, i got the string and you got the cans! Female: ...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!