Hi I'm Shaniqua.

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Hello my name is Horny and... oops... I got it wrong didn't I?

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Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: When you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down

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M. you have a sweet pussy. W. WHAT!? M. Your cat, she is very friendly

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Are you a parking ticket because I'm spending all my money on you and wish you were gone.

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Yeah! Keep drinking girl! Ill just lube your backdoor, what? Dont ask, just drink! Moral: I love it when women call me a pig, all men are pigs, and real women dont want some boy...

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hey did you fall from heaven? because my car is all smashed up.

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Guy- I would do anything for you. Women- I wouldn't do you for anything!

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform?

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Do you like a trimmed bush? Because I'm a gardener. Here's my business card, call me, seriously I need the work.

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-Hey, I lost my number. Can I have yours? -No.

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*on Halloween* Male: My name's Dick, and you're a very pretty PUSSY-cat. Female: I'll cut off your penis.

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I love you more than my jar of fingers.

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At a bar (another real life one): Man: You sort of look like a woman from a certain angle... I am so drunk I can pretend you are a woman all night long! ????: I AM A WOMAN! Man: How can we fix this so you can come home with me? Moral: Becoming unpopular was my goal, but third next to Justin Beiber? Maybe I overdid this a bit...

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Female Police officer: Anything you say can and will be held against you. Me: Boobies.

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all in all it was a good orgy

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Excuse me, does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

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Are you on your period, because there's a blood stain on your pants

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Nice Shirt. It would look better on my bedroom floor.

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guy:do you know how much a polar bear weighs? girl: ..no, how much?? guy:i dunno but probly not as much as you

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Female: Hey do you wanna buy me a drink? Male: I really don't like your face.

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Boy: Hey girl, do you wanna play hard to get? Girl: No. Boy: That's the spirit!

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What did you do to Kelly? Why? Because she said you did her good(; What? Cuz' I heard you did that goood thing(; When? Last night on the bed, 3am(;

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wanna try out my joystick? (gamer-joke)

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!