Do you want to dance No I suppose a blow job is out of the question then

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Guy - Do you want to go outside and play R-a-p-e? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

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GIRL: I bet you say that to all the girls you meet. MAN: How much you want to bet? No wait, I better not make that bet. (or) MAN: Only half the ones I get this far in conversation with. The other half are a little bit easier to get in bed with.

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—hey girl, how about you give me your phone number and I'll pay half of your order. —sure *passes a paper and paid for the things. The girl walked away* The boy flips open the paper "911, call my dad and ask for me"

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have a gun so get in the van.

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How much does a polar bear weigh? Not as much as my dick.

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Man: Honey, I can't choose between watching golf or porn? Wife: Porn. You already know how to golf.

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hi how u doin fine and u well bii have a nice day DONT TELL ME WHAT TO DO

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Man: Hey sexy girl there... Whats your name? Cena: I am John Cena! I can rap because you can eat.. uh crap... wait I need some allsholes to write some rad lyrics for me here...

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Ya know what would look good on you? ME!

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Am I having a erection or am I just glad to see you? Moral: My d1ck in my hand is HARDly a better option than my d1ck in a bush.

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Man: Hi ladies I am back for more if you know what I mean ;) Ladies: Get lost you damn hippie! The seventies are over! Man: Whaaat? I died for your sins you know! Moral: Ever heard of Jesus`s ladyfriends? There, now you see what I mean.

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Pick up lines from the stone age: Fail. Man: Hello, you look beautiful, I speak very well, and if you allow me to make love with you, I promise I will protect you and raise the child with you :)! Woman: WHAT? A guy without wild chesthair that speaks instead of grunting and yelling? You to sex me and you do not even got a club? I am SOOO gonna go to Grogg instead! He has like the biggest club and knows how to really HIT a woman! Moral: I would say somethings do change, but Id rather be Grogg than the loser above, of course I prefer hitting ON women first, if that does not work I... Oh right, I am married :P

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What did the blond do when the web page she was visiting didn't load? She checked if her wireless access had been somehow cut off and then hit the refresh button and waited for the page to load again.

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A: Did I see you walking out of that bar or was it an angel? :D B: I'm your mom you pervert.

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Boy: Are you Mc Donalds? Girl: Why because your loving it? Boy: No because ur fat and greasy!

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him: why are you so gorgeous? her: i dont know i guess my parents had some really good sex.

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- If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U and I together - U and me - Grammer freak

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Yo imma let you finish yourself off

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In a classy bar: KEEP IT CLASSY! Man: Hello there dear... your eyes sparkle like the sun itself... Woman: Oh... thank you random stranger, that is the most beautiful thing someone have ever said to me :D Man: Really? But you are gorgeous (the two proceed to have a long CLASSY conversation and laughing in a classy reserved matter and drinking classy champagne and whatever... and then: Man: Ahahaha yes that is indeed true... By the way... would you mind becoming the single lonely mother of my children? Moral: skipped most of school classes... class ... overrated...

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-Girl I'd go through anything for you. -Good than go through a blender!

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Are your prices by the hour

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Are you a broom? Cause you look like a rather dull, inanimate object that collects dust.

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Male: Hey baby you wanna play telephone, i got the string and you got the cans! Female: ...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!