Boy:can i go out with you? Girl: no

thumb_up thumb_down +47

"How'd you get the black eye?" "I called Yolanda a two-bit whore." "What did she hit you with?" "A sack of quarters."

thumb_up thumb_down -11

I need a fire extinguisher, because my heart is on fire! If you ever talk to me again, I will need a fire extinguisher because I will set myself on fire.

thumb_up thumb_down +52

Decaffeinated coffee is like a hooker who only wants to cuddle.

thumb_up thumb_down -50

He - Hey Dreamboat! She - *turns around He - No you, shipwreck

thumb_up thumb_down +151

Yo mama so stupid she traded her shoes for a pair of socks!

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Guy: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together. Girl: That's funny because I'd put F and U together.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

“Why, look at me. I've worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.” ? Groucho Marx

thumb_up thumb_down -67

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I wouldn't it's fine the way it is

thumb_up thumb_down +52

If I said you had a beautiful body I'd be lying.

thumb_up thumb_down -46

At a huge bar only known as Castlevania... Woman: Get lost loser! Why would I wont pay you "tribute" you pervert! Man: It was not by my hand that I am once again given flesh.... I was called here by humans who wish to pay me tribute! Woman: What do you mean? You are totally insane and make no sense at all! Man: Perhaps the same could be said of ALL religions.,, Woman: You are quite the nutjob man... Man: What is a man? A miserable little pile of secrets! But enough talk... Have at you! Woman: EEEK! Man: But what is this? Did I just attack a woman wearing a cross? Is your last name Belmont? Woman: Yeah So? Is there a problem with my HOLY CROSS! *Man on fire*: WHAT? THIS CANNOT BE! ARGH!!!!!!! Moral: Die monster! You don't belong in this world!

thumb_up thumb_down -58

Girl: I was just wondering... Boy: Smell my armpits on July 24th, 2016!

thumb_up thumb_down -90

Drunk guy with high standards part 3: Man: Dunno woman... you are so big and... and... FAT and really huge and stuff but... well... uh.. you are still really damn hot so lets do it! Man: YAAAAARGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! Astronauts: Did that guy really eject himself towards the sun? Moral: At least he was right about the really hot part... and that ladies and gentlemen, is the terrible end of the amazing drunk man with high standards, you can read the whole series just by clicking onwards trough my comments and give em a thumbs ups just as you go along.. otherwise they will show up... mean they wo..

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Hey, does this smell like chloroform to you?

thumb_up thumb_down +13

From 1 to America how free are your tonight? North Korea

thumb_up thumb_down +5

i wanna see your dick? i cant seem to find it...... sorry

thumb_up thumb_down +292

Boy: I want to get into your pants. Girl: No way! I already have an ass in there!

thumb_up thumb_down +112

She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right." I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."

thumb_up thumb_down +44

Excuse me, does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

thumb_up thumb_down -6

He: If i were a carpenter i would nail you She: If i were a hammer i would hit you

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Baby! you're on fire! Yeah, well I am an arsonist.

thumb_up thumb_down -51

"Is it true you're a lesbian?"

thumb_up thumb_down +146

Man:Hey, do you know what chloroform smells like? Woman:No. Man:Well, you're about to find out.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Male: If you were a booger, I'd pick you first. Female: If you were an ass, I would kick you first.

thumb_up thumb_down +109

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!