Are you cute? Because lets go get taco bell.

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Haven't we met somewheer before? Yes, son.

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Male: Hey baby you wanna play telephone, i got the string and you got the cans! Female: ...

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Boy: whats your name? Girl: i dont know, im just s fetus

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have a gun, Get in the car.

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Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: When you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down

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Girl! you are almost as awesome as horsehead network! Moral: I got balls of steel!

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Whats yo sign? Do not enter!

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Roses are red. Violets are blue I have a gun Get in the van

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Female: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Male: I'm actually a broom in disguise.

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Female: Hey do you wanna buy me a drink? Male: I really don't like your face.

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Try to put your arm around her. If she pushes you away, then say: "Relax! Relax. I'll pay for the first abortion!"

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Boy: Hey girl, do you wanna play hard to get? Girl: No. Boy: That's the spirit!

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Man: Hey sexy, I think I have seen you many times before... Woman: Hmmm... I do not think I have seen you before... Man: Do you happen to be used to getting raped? Woman:...... Moral: yeah it was her :( Audience: BOOOOOOOOOO! Moral: I know :(

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Are you a parking ticket because I'm spending all my money on you and wish you were gone.

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*on Halloween* Male: My name's Dick, and you're a very pretty PUSSY-cat. Female: I'll cut off your penis.

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Do you like a trimmed bush? Because I'm a gardener. Here's my business card, call me, seriously I need the work.

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M. you have a sweet pussy. W. WHAT!? M. Your cat, she is very friendly

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all in all it was a good orgy

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My greatest strength is my self-deprecating sense of humor, but its probably not worth getting to know me.

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Hi I'm Shaniqua.

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Guy- I would do anything for you. Women- I wouldn't do you for anything!

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I love you more than my jar of fingers.

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At a bar (another real life one): Man: You sort of look like a woman from a certain angle... I am so drunk I can pretend you are a woman all night long! ????: I AM A WOMAN! Man: How can we fix this so you can come home with me? Moral: Becoming unpopular was my goal, but third next to Justin Beiber? Maybe I overdid this a bit...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!