"Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven?" "Yes. I ruptured my bowels upon impact."

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Are your prices by the hour

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Yo imma let you finish yourself off

thumb_up thumb_down +57

A: Did I see you walking out of that bar or was it an angel? :D B: I'm your mom you pervert.

thumb_up thumb_down +70

-Girl I'd go through anything for you. -Good than go through a blender!

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Man: "Did you fall from heaven? 'Cause it looks like you landed on your face"

thumb_up thumb_down +217

By reason or by Strength, moral man has a serious side too, and I prevail. Moral: Threats... anyone in my unit threatening another would simply be thrown in jail for a couple of weeks, then kicked out, and using military equipment to threaten, trace and murder people is highly illegal. Asshole, troll or not, I will use my right and reason to have you removed permanently from the horsehead network if you persist.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

You're so hot that if someone threw a grenade at you, I'd probably throw it back because falling on it sounds like a really dumb idea.

thumb_up thumb_down -137

(At a Funeral) Male: I have a raging erection.

thumb_up thumb_down +116

Male: Hey baby you wanna play telephone, i got the string and you got the cans! Female: ...

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Do you work for UPS? 'Cause i could swear that you were checking out my package.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

I don't have a library card but do you mind if I check you out?

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Are you a parking ticket because I'm spending all my money on you and wish you were gone.

thumb_up thumb_down +237

Hello my name is Horny and... oops... I got it wrong didn't I?

thumb_up thumb_down +105

Are you cute? Because lets go get taco bell.

thumb_up thumb_down -55

Female: Hey do you wanna buy me a drink? Male: I really don't like your face.

thumb_up thumb_down -122

Girl! you are almost as awesome as horsehead network! Moral: I got balls of steel!

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Boy: whats your name? Girl: i dont know, im just s fetus

thumb_up thumb_down -155

Haven't we met somewheer before? Yes, son.

thumb_up thumb_down -155

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have a gun, Get in the car.

thumb_up thumb_down -237

"I prefer animals... but your so ugly you remind me of my dog"

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Whats yo sign? Do not enter!

thumb_up thumb_down -62

Roses are red. Violets are blue I have a gun Get in the van

thumb_up thumb_down -136

Boy: Hey girl, do you wanna play hard to get? Girl: No. Boy: That's the spirit!

thumb_up thumb_down +121

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!