Five dollar women... WOO!

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damn, girl... you look like you put your socks on BOTH feet.

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Man - How was your trip from heaven? Woman - Great... until now.

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Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but here's my number, so shove it up your A$$.

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Guy: I lost my phone number, Can I have yours? Girl: Your phone service would help you get a new one.

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I couldn't help but notice you from the other side of the bar. You look way better from over there.

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why cant you comb your hair cuz you got cancer othere guy :ahahahaah fag

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How much does a polar bear weigh? I don't know. Quite a lot, actually.

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-- Hey, can I have your number? -- 12

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Is it true you black men are as hung as a horse? Uh lady, no idea I like ignore their stuff. Yeah but you know, I seen a lot of them and they are huge and look salty an... Woman! Im so outta here! Moral: Now the man is goin! C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER!

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Man: Hey lady, wanna come home with me? Woman: A man like you :D would ask a woman like me? I... I cannot believe it... sniff... excuse me this is so beautiful... ;D I want to of course of course I want to... Man: Want to? Woman: Tell you to go screw yourself moron! Man: But you said beautiful as you looked into my eyes and seemed so happy... Woman: Yes I was looking at my reflection in your eyes to avoid having to look at your disgustingly ugly face! REJECTED like a SONIC BOOM! (now that one was for the non lesb... I mean non drunk women, see? I am quite equal, even to the weaker, yet hot gender)

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-hey baby whats your sign? -no parking anytime

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I am terribly sorry for talking to you, but I was wondering if...

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Hey baby, if I could rearrange the alphabet U and I would have sex.

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Female: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Male: I'm actually a broom in disguise.

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Do you have Groupon? *wait for response* Because you look fucking cheap

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Ever had violent sex with a murderer/rapist? ;) ;)

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Are you a speeding, aggressive driver? Because your running straight up my ass

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Woman: You've got the body of a god, too bad that it's Buddha... Man: You've got the face of a Princess, too bad that it's Diana.

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"Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?"

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Man: Hey is your name Zelda? Woman: Huh? What kind of stupid name is THAT! Man: EXCUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSE ME PRINCESS! Woman: What a dork... Moral: The man did not link with the woman that night... nor ever it seems...

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*is your name angel cuz that's all i see? *is your name asshole cuz that's all i see

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Girl, do you believe in love by first sight? Uh maybe... Okay, let me see if those titties of you are real or wonderbra or silicone or whatever... Moral: You are fantastic, you know who you remind me of? Myself ;)

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If you were homework, I would slam you on my table and do you all night long.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!