Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: When you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down

thumb_up thumb_down +67

Female: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Male: I'm actually a broom in disguise.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Dude: Do you have insurance on you ass? Gal: Why? Dude: Because Im about to hit it. Gal: I hope you have insurance on your face (punch).

thumb_up thumb_down -73

A blond, a brunette and a black haired girl are all stuck on an island....stupid women.

thumb_up thumb_down -83

Do you have an STD? No. DO you want one??

thumb_up thumb_down -121

Man: Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

thumb_up thumb_down -98

How much per quarter hour? Actually do you do 10 minute blocks?

thumb_up thumb_down +71

Jack is riding his new yellow bicycle. His father bought it for his 12th anniversary. Jack is ecstatic to have his first ride down his street. Erick thinks its ugly.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

Man and girl talking: Girl: ARE YOU GETTING A HARDON? Man: You think I am a pervert or something? Of course not! Its just the hamster I keep between my ballsack!

thumb_up thumb_down -143

damn, girl... you look like you put your socks on BOTH feet.

thumb_up thumb_down +84

Ever had violent sex with a murderer/rapist? ;) ;)

thumb_up thumb_down +58

Q: What did Tommy do when it was time to go to bed? A: Go to bed. Q:What did Tommy do when it was time to wake up? A: Kill him self.

thumb_up thumb_down +48

-Hey, I lost my number. Can I have yours? -No.

thumb_up thumb_down -72

Her: Guess what? Him: What? Her Yo Mama! Him: Is she that slut i did last night?

thumb_up thumb_down -98

Guy: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl: No, but it will hurt when I pepper spray you.

thumb_up thumb_down -120

imgonna r@pe you

thumb_up thumb_down -148

If i don't have sex in 30 seconds i'll have to kiss you

thumb_up thumb_down -150

Me: Honestly, I just want to RAPING you. Woman: YES PLEASE! Me: Fuck off its not RAPING it its consensual... Moral: Yeah sometimes they say yes, its when they say no I become shadow made flesh... ...And wait for you... Am I here?... NOPE Ill get you rawr I will now stalk you silently for hours... days... Anyway im bored your nothing ... Moral: SAY YES YOU MUCKING MIDIOT!

thumb_up thumb_down +95

Still a better love story than Twilight

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Man: So, what's your sign? Woman: Out to lunch. Back whenever!

thumb_up thumb_down -47

Do you want to see something swell?

thumb_up thumb_down -85

At a ... PUB! Man: Hey... wanna... go out with a true shinob i ninja? ;) Woman: Are you not supposed to be invisible or something? Man: You can see me? SHIT! (runs away). Moral: So what if she saw you you are all covered in a pajamas anyways...

thumb_up thumb_down -99

-hey girl, you must be a pirate cause you got a lot of booty

thumb_up thumb_down +116

"Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?"

thumb_up thumb_down +98

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!