The word of the day is 'legs' , The word of tomorrow is Aardvark .

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You're so beautiful you could be a tree... Or a high class prostitute

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A Kid goes to Band Camp and comes back noticeably better at the Trumpet.

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-Wanna have sex? -No -Damn

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Got milk? Cuz baby, im of it!

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Are you a fart? Because you just blew me away.

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Penis. I got it

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Look at the keyboard, u and i are together. Look underneath, it says jk.

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hi how u doin fine and u well bii have a nice day DONT TELL ME WHAT TO DO

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-Hey, do you have a cat? -Why do you ask? -Because I'd love to pet your pussy. -Well, that makes two of us.

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Van what van? GET TO THE CHOPPAH!

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Boy: Do u have a pen? Girl: Yeah, here Boy: Umm..its out of ink Girl: What? Boy: It doesn't work Girl: R u sure? Boy: Don't believe me? Fine, u try it... Go on, write your cell phone number right here....

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Roses are red. Violets are blue I have a gun Get in the van

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Hey baby, do you play soccer? Because I think I'm gonna score tonight. ... Well, you can't score if the player ain't no good.

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greetings clarisse...

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Man: Hi ladies I am back for more if you know what I mean ;) Ladies: Get lost you damn hippie! The seventies are over! Man: Whaaat? I died for your sins you know! Moral: Ever heard of Jesus`s ladyfriends? There, now you see what I mean.

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I hope you like trees because I've got wood!

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—hey girl, how about you give me your phone number and I'll pay half of your order. —sure *passes a paper and paid for the things. The girl walked away* The boy flips open the paper "911, call my dad and ask for me"

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Guy: what do this pickup line and your face have in common? Girl: what? Guy: they are both poorly constructed.

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Your breast is like a beer holder, you would allow me to store beer in between your breasts, while I talk on the phone

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Ever kissed a bunny inbetween the ears? Nope. I'm allergic to them.

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guy scientist: hey can i send a probe to explore uranus? girl scientist: hey can i send a rocket with you in it to the sun/

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boy: you remind me of the 20 letters of the alphabet girl: there's 26 boy: how could I forget U R A Q T girl: that's 5 boy: you can get the D later girl: you mean the V?

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- You look really nice - I know

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!