Did it hurt when you burst through the concrete emerging from hell? Yes, yes it did.

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Man: So, what's your sign? Woman: Out to lunch. Back whenever!

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Look at the keyboard, u and i are together. Look underneath, it says jk.

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You're one-in-a-million. That means there is roughly 7,000 people exactly like you in the world.

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Sexual harassment, it can be a touchy subject.

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Are your prices by the hour

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Roses are red. Violets are blue I have a gun Get in the van

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have a mac10. GET IN THE VAN.

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I don't have a library card but do you mind if I check you out?

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Im like a thief and ill steal your virginity!

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Have you been followed? 'Cuz i've been seeing people behind your back.

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Female: Hey do you wanna buy me a drink? Male: I really don't like your face.

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greetings clarisse...

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You have the nicest smile I could ever hope to come across.

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-Are you an angel? -Yeah...actually I am. I remember you-aren't you the guy that fell out of heaven? So THAT'S why your face is so screwed up.

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Hey girl... U remind me of my pinkie toe.. Ur small cite and I'll probably bang u on the coffee table later

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hi how u doin fine and u well bii have a nice day DONT TELL ME WHAT TO DO

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Got milk? Cuz baby, im of it!

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Hey can I have your number? No.

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-Do you like me? -No

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(this is only funny if ur a guy!) you go to a party im a man you get a drink im a man you laugh with friends im a man u see a hot chick im a man you invite her over to ur place im a man you go up in the bedroom im a man you go to pull her pants off im a man and she says... im a man!

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you in between F and CK.

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Dont let this rape turn into a murder

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-Wanna have sex? -No -Damn

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!