Ever kissed a bunny inbetween the ears? Nope. I'm allergic to them.

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Hey can I have your number? No.

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Have you been followed? 'Cuz i've been seeing people behind your back.

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You're so beautiful you could be a tree... Or a high class prostitute

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Did it hurt when you burst through the concrete emerging from hell? Yes, yes it did.

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Got milk? Cuz baby, im of it!

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Woman enters gynecologist office: Man: YO I am the vaginator! Woman: Vaginator? Man: You know, the guy that is gonna fu.. I mean study your pussy with the long hard spear and see if your juices are okay and stuff... Woman: HuuuuuuuH? Moral: Writing this makes me understand why some women dont exactly enjoy a trip to the "Vaginator" so I forgot the moral and the point... my sympaties though...

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Boy: Do u have a pen? Girl: Yeah, here Boy: Umm..its out of ink Girl: What? Boy: It doesn't work Girl: R u sure? Boy: Don't believe me? Fine, u try it... Go on, write your cell phone number right here....

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guy scientist: hey can i send a probe to explore uranus? girl scientist: hey can i send a rocket with you in it to the sun/

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Are you a fart? Because you just blew me away.

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greetings clarisse...

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Look at the keyboard, u and i are together. Look underneath, it says jk.

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Penis. I got it

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The word of the day is 'legs' , The word of tomorrow is Aardvark .

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A Kid goes to Band Camp and comes back noticeably better at the Trumpet.

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- You look really nice - I know

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-Hey, do you have a cat? -Why do you ask? -Because I'd love to pet your pussy. -Well, that makes two of us.

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—hey girl, how about you give me your phone number and I'll pay half of your order. —sure *passes a paper and paid for the things. The girl walked away* The boy flips open the paper "911, call my dad and ask for me"

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You have the nicest smile I could ever hope to come across.

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Man: Hi ladies I am back for more if you know what I mean ;) Ladies: Get lost you damn hippie! The seventies are over! Man: Whaaat? I died for your sins you know! Moral: Ever heard of Jesus`s ladyfriends? There, now you see what I mean.

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hi how u doin fine and u well bii have a nice day DONT TELL ME WHAT TO DO

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Your breast is like a beer holder, you would allow me to store beer in between your breasts, while I talk on the phone

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I love you more than my jar of fingers.

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On line post: Woman: HELLO! I love you, I am from Russia and find you particularly handsome and rich I am certain you could take care of me and I will do anything for you ;) here are some nice pictures I have never met someone as fantastic as you please contact me! (revealing pictures.gif) additional information: This message has been sent to 100.000 other recipients. FAIL! Moral: And I had not even moved out from my parents home yet... rich enough my ass...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!