- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Man: Hey, I'm Red. You like to walk? Woman: No. I prefer to run. Away from you

At a bar... sigh... Woman: Hey cutie wanna go home? "Man" hello I am twelve... what is this? Moral: Hello I am eight... what is this?

-Hey girl, is your father in prison? Because if I was your father, I'd be in prison.

Did it hurt? Did what hurt? When you fell from heaven.. and crushed all the people below (for a fat girl)

Woman: The church is fantastic, I see Jesus wherever I go! Me: I see a psycho wherever you go. Moral: PSYCHO CRUSHER!

- Can I buy you a drink? - Yes, providing you f**k off immediately afterwards and I never have the misfortune to see or smell you ever again.

Roses are red, something something, I am just too desperate to concentrate please let me just put it in you.

Guy: Hey baby, did you come by car? Girl: No I walked. Guy: Well I can make you come in mine.

GIRL: I bet you say that to all the girls you meet. MAN: How much you want to bet? No wait, I better not make that bet. (or) MAN: Only half the ones I get this far in conversation with. The other half are a little bit easier to get in bed with.

You are so beautiful. You look just like my dead wife. You can come back to my place and the 3 of us can get to know each other better.

Have you heard of that new movie "Other People"? Cuz thats what i wanna see.

I like your shirt, it would look better in my pants

Guy: Are you looking for a hot, sexy, fertile young man? Girl: No thanks, I used to be one.

Girl, do you believe in love by first sight? Uh maybe... Okay, let me see if those titties of you are real or wonderbra or silicone or whatever... Moral: You are fantastic, you know who you remind me of? Myself ;)

If you were my daughter id still be bathing you

Are you a beaver? Because your overbite seems to be made for my wood. Moral: Take what you see, improve it, and steal the glory... We all do it... maybe not as obvious as this... but judging me badly would be hypocrisy...

-Hey, is there a fire extinguisher around here? 'Cause you're smoking hot. -Actually, there IS a fire extinguisher. I was about to slam you in the face with it.

What's a good comeback if a guy asked me "Bring me a sandwich"?? -COmeback with the goddamn sandwich

your so beautiful im blinded! aww really?! no. i was kidding. im just blind.

Jdkfk

Man: Hey is your name Zelda? Woman: Huh? What kind of stupid name is THAT! Man: EXCUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSE ME PRINCESS! Woman: What a dork... Moral: The man did not link with the woman that night... nor ever it seems...

Q: Where did Bethany hide the dead baby? A: In the trash can

I lost my phone number, can I have yours?

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book