greetings clarisse...

thumb_up thumb_down +99

Dont let this rape turn into a murder

thumb_up thumb_down +5

*on Halloween* Male: My name's Dick, and you're a very pretty PUSSY-cat. Female: I'll cut off your penis.

thumb_up thumb_down +218

Real life again. I was about twenty and things where going on really well with a shy Swedish girl... Me: Hey, my name is Axel, you know, like Axel Rose? ;) She: I hate that guy! Me: Me too! She: Are you being fake? I dont want to talk to you anymore. Me: No wait I really hate him! She: So desperate... (pats me on the head and leaves me feeling pretty stupid) Moral: Last time I used that one, I hate Axel Rose and I hate my parents naming me after that bastard

thumb_up thumb_down +74

hey girl, were you in 9/11? cause I'll never forget you.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

Penis. I got it

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Van what van? GET TO THE CHOPPAH!

thumb_up thumb_down -48

Do you want to dance No I suppose a blow job is out of the question then

thumb_up thumb_down -45

him: your like the sun in the morning. her: that so sweet! him: Your very big and i can even stare at you for more then 2 secondes.

thumb_up thumb_down -141

all in all it was a good orgy

thumb_up thumb_down +196

Boy: Do u have a pen? Girl: Yeah, here Boy: Umm..its out of ink Girl: What? Boy: It doesn't work Girl: R u sure? Boy: Don't believe me? Fine, u try it... Go on, write your cell phone number right here....

thumb_up thumb_down +62

-What's your favorite color? -bl... -mine too! Let's f***

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Try to put your arm around her. If she pushes you away, then say: "Relax! Relax. I'll pay for the first abortion!"

thumb_up thumb_down +111

Whats yo sign? Do not enter!

thumb_up thumb_down -59

Am I having a erection or am I just glad to see you? Moral: My d1ck in my hand is HARDly a better option than my d1ck in a bush.

thumb_up thumb_down +104

Yo imma let you finish yourself off

thumb_up thumb_down +54

Hey, you're cute... lets bang.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but here's my number, so shove it up your A$$.

thumb_up thumb_down -54

Ever kissed a bunny inbetween the ears? Nope. I'm allergic to them.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Yeah! Keep drinking girl! Ill just lube your backdoor, what? Dont ask, just drink! Moral: I love it when women call me a pig, all men are pigs, and real women dont want some boy...

thumb_up thumb_down -69

Are you a parking ticket because I'm spending all my money on you and wish you were gone.

thumb_up thumb_down +212

Talk to me or I'll burn your face with this acid.

thumb_up thumb_down

*Boy looks at cloth* -Does this smell like chlorophorm?

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Him: I've got something that will fill you up. Her: Sorry, I'm looking for a meal, not an appetizer.

thumb_up thumb_down -92

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!