greetings clarisse...

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- You look really nice - I know

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Boy: Do u have a pen? Girl: Yeah, here Boy: Umm..its out of ink Girl: What? Boy: It doesn't work Girl: R u sure? Boy: Don't believe me? Fine, u try it... Go on, write your cell phone number right here....

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-Are you an angel? -Yeah...actually I am. I remember you-aren't you the guy that fell out of heaven? So THAT'S why your face is so screwed up.

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Are your prices by the hour

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Are you cute? Because lets go get taco bell.

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You're one-in-a-million. That means there is roughly 7,000 people exactly like you in the world.

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Did it hurt when you burst through the concrete emerging from hell? Yes, yes it did.

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Yo imma let you finish yourself off

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*Boy looks at cloth* -Does this smell like chlorophorm?

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Whats yo sign? Do not enter!

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Woman enters gynecologist office: Man: YO I am the vaginator! Woman: Vaginator? Man: You know, the guy that is gonna fu.. I mean study your pussy with the long hard spear and see if your juices are okay and stuff... Woman: HuuuuuuuH? Moral: Writing this makes me understand why some women dont exactly enjoy a trip to the "Vaginator" so I forgot the moral and the point... my sympaties though...

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Hey girl... U remind me of my pinkie toe.. Ur small cite and I'll probably bang u on the coffee table later

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On line post: Woman: HELLO! I love you, I am from Russia and find you particularly handsome and rich I am certain you could take care of me and I will do anything for you ;) here are some nice pictures I have never met someone as fantastic as you please contact me! (revealing pictures.gif) additional information: This message has been sent to 100.000 other recipients. FAIL! Moral: And I had not even moved out from my parents home yet... rich enough my ass...

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At a bar (another real life one): Man: You sort of look like a woman from a certain angle... I am so drunk I can pretend you are a woman all night long! ????: I AM A WOMAN! Man: How can we fix this so you can come home with me? Moral: Becoming unpopular was my goal, but third next to Justin Beiber? Maybe I overdid this a bit...

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Are you on your period, because there's a blood stain on your pants

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Male: Hey baby you wanna play telephone, i got the string and you got the cans! Female: ...

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Talk to me or I'll burn your face with this acid.

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I don't have a library card but do you mind if I check you out?

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have a mac10. GET IN THE VAN.

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Female: Hey do you wanna buy me a drink? Male: I really don't like your face.

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Are you a parking ticket because I'm spending all my money on you and wish you were gone.

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I love you more than my jar of fingers.

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- I'd go to the end of the world for you - Good,Stay There

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!