You are so beautiful. You look just like my dead wife. You can come back to my place and the 3 of us can get to know each other better.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have a gun, Get in the car.

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Nerdy Pokemon Pickup he: i want to squirrtle on your jigglypuff she: I want to boulder smash your face

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Hitler: Hey Mädchen, du bist Jude? Girl: What? Hitler: Ärmel hochkrempeln, ich brauche deine Nummer.

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Do you have an STD? No. DO you want one??

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Roses are red violets are blue this isn't a poem I'm a botanist.

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Dude: Do you have insurance on you ass? Gal: Why? Dude: Because Im about to hit it. Gal: I hope you have insurance on your face (punch).

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"You look like an angel that fell from heaven and hit its face on the pavement."

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roses are red violets are blue i suck at rhyming get in the van.

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I just shat my pants..... can I get in yours?

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here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

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Have you heard of that new movie "Other People"? Cuz thats what i wanna see.

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Mom im sixteen and after watching some japanese cartoons and dads gone, I wonder if I can... Son please put your pants back on! But mom! Im the man in the house now, so I invited my friends so you and I can have a stamina sex contest and... Moral: If she does not tell you to put up your pants... Well, you are the man in the house son ;)

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Male: Do you know if there is an airport around here? Cause my heart took off, when I saw you... Female: Yeah? Well my heart crashed in the Hudson River when I saw you!

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why can't a black person play baseball because the steal bases

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Business Y U No Advertise?

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Are you an electrician? Cuz' you turn me on.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I want to F*** you with a rake.

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What's a good comeback if a guy asked me "Bring me a sandwich"?? -COmeback with the goddamn sandwich

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Real life number XX: Girl: I will only sleep with you if you bring along your hot friend over there. Me: Uh, like a threesome with a guy? Uh... Maybe let me think about it... At nighttime: Me: Hey Tobias, she said yes about screwing with me if you join in, but I swear I will kick your ass if you touch me! Tobias: Like if I touch you sexually? Me: Yeah! duh! Tobias: WHY?! Not even like a little? Moral: Not as much a anti-joke as the weirdest thing I ever experienced...

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Whats small, rough, and painful to put in your ass? Sandpaper

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Do you believe in angels? Cool, what about goblins?

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I like your shirt, it would look better in my pants

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"Next!"

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!