Guy- I would do anything for you. Women- I wouldn't do you for anything!

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Do you like a trimmed bush? Because I'm a gardener. Here's my business card, call me, seriously I need the work.

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-Girl I'd go through anything for you. -Good than go through a blender!

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Him: I've got something that will fill you up. Her: Sorry, I'm looking for a meal, not an appetizer.

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Girl: Wanna see my dick? Man: WHAT? Moral: This actually started out as me just mixing up the girl and guy part...

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Boy: whats your name? Girl: i dont know, im just s fetus

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Mirrors can't talk, luckily for you they can't laugh either

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Haven't we met somewheer before? Yes, son.

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Yeah! Keep drinking girl! Ill just lube your backdoor, what? Dont ask, just drink! Moral: I love it when women call me a pig, all men are pigs, and real women dont want some boy...

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Hey baby, you must be a light switch, cuz every time I see you, you turn me on! Great! Maybe next time I'll electrocute you to death!

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What did you do to Kelly? Why? Because she said you did her good(; What? Cuz' I heard you did that goood thing(; When? Last night on the bed, 3am(;

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imgonna r@pe you

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How do you get a black man out of a tree? Ask him nicely to come down, and if that doesn't work, he will most likely stay up there.

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-My girlfriend and I want different things out of our relationship. -She wants marriage, children and a house. -I just want out.

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He: Hey bay wanna danc- She: Leave.

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Hey! Doesn't this rag smell of chloroform?

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guy: hey do you know how to sly a dragon? girl:No. guy: well your no help.

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Nice Shirt. It would look better on my bedroom floor.

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Guy: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl: No, but it will hurt when I pepper spray you.

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Man: Hey, I'm Red. You like to walk? Woman: No. I prefer to run. Away from you

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Boy: Is your mom mexican? Girl: No/Yes why? Boy: Just wondering.

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"Do you have a map? I'm getting lost in your eyes." "They always say that before they go to sleep."

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-Get in the Van

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-Can I have your number? -Can my boyfriend punch you in the face?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!