G: YOU KILLED MY FATHER! M: Yes yes I killed my father too, but you do not see me whining about it... M: So ... wanna date? I am quite the Male Bison in bed ;) G:NOOOOO! M: Just get in the damn plane! G: BISOOOOOOOOOOOON!

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Do you want to see something swell?

thumb_up thumb_down -69

Hitler: Hey Mädchen, du bist Jude? Girl: What? Hitler: Ärmel hochkrempeln, ich brauche deine Nummer.

thumb_up thumb_down -115

I just shat my pants..... can I get in yours?

thumb_up thumb_down +124

Do you have an STD? No. DO you want one??

thumb_up thumb_down -120

Nerdy Pokemon Pickup he: i want to squirrtle on your jigglypuff she: I want to boulder smash your face

thumb_up thumb_down +157

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I want to F*** you with a rake.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Male: Do you know if there is an airport around here? Cause my heart took off, when I saw you... Female: Yeah? Well my heart crashed in the Hudson River when I saw you!

thumb_up thumb_down -43

"You look like an angel that fell from heaven and hit its face on the pavement."

thumb_up thumb_down +164

Roses are red violets are blue this isn't a poem I'm a botanist.

thumb_up thumb_down +134

why can't a black person play baseball because the steal bases

thumb_up thumb_down +100

i would traval the earth for you. well then im going to the moon.

thumb_up thumb_down +42

Have you heard of that new movie "Other People"? Cuz thats what i wanna see.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Mom im sixteen and after watching some japanese cartoons and dads gone, I wonder if I can... Son please put your pants back on! But mom! Im the man in the house now, so I invited my friends so you and I can have a stamina sex contest and... Moral: If she does not tell you to put up your pants... Well, you are the man in the house son ;)

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Dude: Do you have insurance on you ass? Gal: Why? Dude: Because Im about to hit it. Gal: I hope you have insurance on your face (punch).

thumb_up thumb_down -84

Real life number XX: Girl: I will only sleep with you if you bring along your hot friend over there. Me: Uh, like a threesome with a guy? Uh... Maybe let me think about it... At nighttime: Me: Hey Tobias, she said yes about screwing with me if you join in, but I swear I will kick your ass if you touch me! Tobias: Like if I touch you sexually? Me: Yeah! duh! Tobias: WHY?! Not even like a little? Moral: Not as much a anti-joke as the weirdest thing I ever experienced...

thumb_up thumb_down +237

roses are red violets are blue i suck at rhyming get in the van.

thumb_up thumb_down +137

Whats small, rough, and painful to put in your ass? Sandpaper

thumb_up thumb_down +81

Do you believe in angels? Cool, what about goblins?

thumb_up thumb_down +75

Are you an electrician? Cuz' you turn me on.

thumb_up thumb_down +47

Guy: Can I have your number ? Girl: We are six.

thumb_up thumb_down +104

Business Y U No Advertise?

thumb_up thumb_down +78

What's a good comeback if a guy asked me "Bring me a sandwich"?? -COmeback with the goddamn sandwich

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!