I just shat my pants..... can I get in yours?

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- If you were a booger I'd pick you first - If you were a booger I'd throw you away...

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"Wow, you look so thin! Are you wearing a girdle?"

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I AM FAGNETO! WELCOME TO GAY!

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Are you a beaver? Because your overbite seems to be made for my wood. Moral: Take what you see, improve it, and steal the glory... We all do it... maybe not as obvious as this... but judging me badly would be hypocrisy...

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You have lovely eyes. They'll look better in a pile on my floor in the morning.

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Guy - Do you want to go outside and play R-a-p-e? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

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Billy Hill: Man...THAT WAS GOOD SEX! I am glad I did not just bring one of those bitches that I usually drag home, your great Currie... great pussy! Ok Currie time to go home! Currie: meow... Moral: And you think that by bitches he meant bad women ahahahahha... BIlly Hill! Ring a bell nao?

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Man: Honey, I can't choose between watching golf or porn? Wife: Porn. You already know how to golf.

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G: YOU KILLED MY FATHER! M: Yes yes I killed my father too, but you do not see me whining about it... M: So ... wanna date? I am quite the Male Bison in bed ;) G:NOOOOO! M: Just get in the damn plane! G: BISOOOOOOOOOOOON!

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Did you just fart? Cause it smells like shit in here

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Were your parents chemists? cuz you look like TEST TUBE BABY :D

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Man: Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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Hey, i looked up the word beauty in the thesaurus and your name was mentioned there. ..... in the antonyms

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"Next!"

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M: Hey whats up? W: My Dick!

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BOY: Are you thinking what im thinking? GIRL: I dont know, what are you thinking? BOY: both of our bum cracks smell like buttery popcorn, i like popcorn :)

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- OMG, OMG, OMG, Terry finally said he will go out with me! -OMG, When? -February 30th! -Stacey, There is no February 30th.

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Man: Lady... Seriously, I got a PhD! Woman: Seriously, you look more like an athlete, in what? Man: Lady... I got a pretty huge Richard. Moral: RICHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARDS!

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Do you live around here often?

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Why don't you slip into something more comfortable? Like a coma?

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You look like I could use a drink - SMC Digital

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Whats small, rough, and painful to put in your ass? Sandpaper

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Hey are you on your period? Because I've been following you and I've noticed there's a blood stain on your ass...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!