- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

can i just touch your face for like, a couple seconds.

You are so beautiful. You look just like my dead wife. You can come back to my place and the 3 of us can get to know each other better.

Have you heard of that new movie "Other People"? Cuz thats what i wanna see.

Him: Did it hurt? Her: Did what hurt? Him: Breaking through the earth's crust ascending from hell.

Hi girls... whos coming home with me? And please dont reject me because I am a rich man and rejection makes me throw thousand dollar bills at random.

How much per quarter hour? Actually do you do 10 minute blocks?

That King that said: Kill all male babies... Lets say he was a teenager? Moral: Excellent job son, but you see, sharing is caring, have a victory drink!... Thing is... I don't care... rest well...For eternity... Hughman Heffer... The seed has been sown... you got nothing on me...

Mens most noob things to say during sex: "Thank you" "Do I really get all this for free?" "Sure you don't want me to pay you?" "MOTHER!" crying "You`re wet down there! Did you just pee yourself? DISGUSTING!!!" "I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!" "STOP SUCKING CUZ IM ABOUT TO CUM!!"

Skilled man enters a bar: Man: Lady, I am a scientist... Lady: So? Man: I also have black belt in several martial arts... Lady: Your point? Man: uh... I have uh... Lady: Sigh... gets up and leaves Moral: Knowing what and how to be attractive to women is an art on its own...

"Hey, I have the feeling i've seen you before somewhere..." "Well, could be, I used to be a porn actress.

I scream, You scream, The Police come, It's Awkward...

Q: What did Tommy do when it was time to go to bed? A: Go to bed. Q:What did Tommy do when it was time to wake up? A: Kill him self.

-Hi how are y... -just a minute, I need to drop a shit, be back in a sec.

Did you fall from heaven? Cause the ground around you looks like it's cracked.

- I can make your wildest dreams come true. - I know. I had this nightmare some creep wouldn't leave me alone...

M. Do you want to go out with me? F. Okay but first take me to your place where we can be alone to make furious love to one another M. Wow this never happens I must be.. (Wakes up) dreaming

If i don't have sex in 30 seconds i'll have to kiss you

Your butt is so big that I would propably lose intrest during sex.

I just shat my pants..... can I get in yours?

Roses are red violets are blue this isn't a poem I'm a botanist.

i would traval the earth for you. well then im going to the moon.

here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book