- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Are you an electrician? Cuz' you turn me on.

Are you from Tennessee? Because we are both in Tennessee and I thought asking where you grew up would be a good way to get to know you better.

G: YOU KILLED MY FATHER! M: Yes yes I killed my father too, but you do not see me whining about it... M: So ... wanna date? I am quite the Male Bison in bed ;) G:NOOOOO! M: Just get in the damn plane! G: BISOOOOOOOOOOOON!

Do you work at Subway, because you're giving me a footlong. No actually, I once had a job at a local Quizno's Sub Shop. However a tragic fire killed several employees and customers at this very location. I survived, but lost have permanent Third-Degree burns across my body. My life is ruined, prick.

My penis becomes hard and hard when I see your mom, but weak when I see you.

Id catch a grenade for ya, but you won't do the same

male: hey wanna ride female: STRANGER DANGER!

Guy: Have you ever been surfing? Girl: No; Yes Guy: Wanna surf in my jizz?

"Hey did I not meet you at the singles and desperates club?"

You're a bit heavier but i think I can fit you in a barrel.

You look like I could use a drink - SMC Digital

Guy: Your eyes are like the stars. Girl: Is it because the way they sparkle? Guy: No because they are really far apart.

-Want to get on your knees and suck my dick? -No thanks, I have enough Tic Tacs at home.

Muslim guy: "Hey can I get your number?" Chick:"Nine eleven"

"Wow, you look so thin! Are you wearing a girdle?"

Every girl wants to be swept off her feet... It's when you put her in the trunk of your car that she starts to freak out.

Man: Hey sexy girl there... Whats your name? Cena: I am John Cena! I can rap because you can eat.. uh crap... wait I need some allsholes to write some rad lyrics for me here...

Are you a magnet, because i'm attracted to you. Yes, i am. So unless you want to have sex with metal, then i suggest you leave.

Are you a broom? Cause you look like a rather dull, inanimate object that collects dust.

roses are red violets are blue i suck at rhyming get in the van.

Are you a beaver? Because your overbite seems to be made for my wood. Moral: Take what you see, improve it, and steal the glory... We all do it... maybe not as obvious as this... but judging me badly would be hypocrisy...

"Next!"

How much does a polar bear weigh? Not as much as my dick.

M: Hey whats up? W: My Dick!

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book