Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together Woman: What does ui spell?

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If you were attacked by a bear with chainsaw arms i hope it stays away from your face, because I think you're cute.

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On your mark, get set, suck my dick.

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Man: If I ask you to go on a date, would the answer to that question be the same as the answer to this one? Woman: (pause) Rape!

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- If you were a booger I'd pick you first - If you were a booger I'd throw you away...

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here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

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"Hey girl, is there a mirror in your pants?" "No, that's just my penis."

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Are you an electrician? Cuz' you turn me on.

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i would traval the earth for you. well then im going to the moon.

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A blond, a brunette and a black haired girl are all stuck on an island....stupid women.

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Man: DAMN BABE YOUR SO DAMN HOT I... Woman: You know what? Im so sick of you guys hitt... Man: OOOOOOOOOOOOH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! YEEEEEEEEEES THIS IS DELISHUSH! Woman: WHAT HAPPENED? :O Man: Huh? Never mind, ZZZZZZZZZZZZ

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How much does a polar bear weigh? Not as much as my dick.

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GIRL: I bet you say that to all the girls you meet. MAN: How much you want to bet? No wait, I better not make that bet. (or) MAN: Only half the ones I get this far in conversation with. The other half are a little bit easier to get in bed with.

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Do you work at Subway, because you're giving me a footlong. No actually, I once had a job at a local Quizno's Sub Shop. However a tragic fire killed several employees and customers at this very location. I survived, but lost have permanent Third-Degree burns across my body. My life is ruined, prick.

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-Hi how are y... -just a minute, I need to drop a shit, be back in a sec.

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You have lovely eyes. They'll look better in a pile on my floor in the morning.

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Hey are you on your period? Because I've been following you and I've noticed there's a blood stain on your ass...

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Pick up lines from the stone age: Fail. Man: Hello, you look beautiful, I speak very well, and if you allow me to make love with you, I promise I will protect you and raise the child with you :)! Woman: WHAT? A guy without wild chesthair that speaks instead of grunting and yelling? You to sex me and you do not even got a club? I am SOOO gonna go to Grogg instead! He has like the biggest club and knows how to really HIT a woman! Moral: I would say somethings do change, but Id rather be Grogg than the loser above, of course I prefer hitting ON women first, if that does not work I... Oh right, I am married :P

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what goes up and down , side to side all the time? a compass get your mind out of the gudder.

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Shall I compare you to a summer's day? Damn you're hot!

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Mens most noob things to say during sex: "Thank you" "Do I really get all this for free?" "Sure you don't want me to pay you?" "MOTHER!" *crying* "You`re wet down there! Did you just pee yourself? DISGUSTING!!!" "I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!" "STOP SUCKING CUZ IM ABOUT TO CUM!!"

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Roses are red Violets are blue I'm using my hand but thinking of you ;)

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-Hey comon baby dont be shy give me a little BlowJob -sorry im alergic to peanuts....

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A 85 year old man was at a bar, he goes up to the first hot thing he sees and asks do I come here often?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!