- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

My dog just died so now you're my only Bitch.

Little guy: I also beat Mike Tyson with my fists! Woman: Meh, from what I heard you beat some nobody named Mr.Dream! Little guy: Damn you Nintendo! Moral: He sure was not a big mac... more like a little ma.. baaaah you wont get it anyways!....

On your mark, get set, suck my dick.

(Guy mumbles a bit, then says): You don't know me, but can I get you a drink? Yeah, sure... OK. HAHAHAA!!! Before I asked if you wanted a drink I mumbled "Do you want to have sex"? And you said yes! HAHAHAA!!!

Is there a mirror in your pocket?... Because if so, you should probably take it out and, uh, fix what you have going on there.

What happens if an Internet troll has a heart attack Doesn't matter nobody will care

Do you work at Subway, because you're giving me a footlong. No actually, I once had a job at a local Quizno's Sub Shop. However a tragic fire killed several employees and customers at this very location. I survived, but lost have permanent Third-Degree burns across my body. My life is ruined, prick.

Mens most noob things to say during sex: "Thank you" "Do I really get all this for free?" "Sure you don't want me to pay you?" "MOTHER!" crying "You`re wet down there! Did you just pee yourself? DISGUSTING!!!" "I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!" "STOP SUCKING CUZ IM ABOUT TO CUM!!"

- If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put 'U' and 'I' together. - No, it's okay. 'N' and 'O' are already together.

And then it hit me...no really now I'm bleeding

Shall I compare you to a summer's day? Damn you're hot!

Every girl wants to be swept off her feet... It's when you put her in the trunk of your car that she starts to freak out.

-Hi how are y... -just a minute, I need to drop a shit, be back in a sec.

Girlfriend: you are much more naive when you are naked, and a small penis, no hair and are 23 years old

-ILY -Aw. Spell it out it will make it more special. -I'm Leaving You

Hey, you want a ride?

Are you a magnet, because i'm attracted to you. Yes, i am. So unless you want to have sex with metal, then i suggest you leave.

You got some junk in the trunk, can I dump my load in there too?

—do you believe in love at first sight or shall I come back again? —no, and I think you shall not come back ever.

Guy: You look two times as beautiful with makup on. Girl: Really? I think you would too.

Why don't you slip into something more comfortable? Like a coma?

A 85 year old man was at a bar, he goes up to the first hot thing he sees and asks do I come here often?

Guy: Have you ever been surfing? Girl: No; Yes Guy: Wanna surf in my jizz?

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book