"Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?"

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WOMAN! GO MAKE ME A SANDWICH NOW! Girl: But I do not even know you!? Man: Oh... uh.. hi sexy.. wanna get to know me?

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Hey, I your dad a baker?...Cuz it would be really cool if he were a baker.

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Are you a parking ticket? Cause you got fine written all over you.

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Are those space pants? Cause there's not enough space in my house to fit your ass.

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Hey baby, if I could rearrange the alphabet U and I would have sex.

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A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

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-- Hey, can I have your number? -- 12

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What's a good comeback if a guy asked me "Bring me a sandwich"?? -COmeback with the goddamn sandwich

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Man - How was your trip from heaven? Woman - Great... until now.

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Your eyes are the color of my toilet water.

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Ay girl, those jeans make your ass look fat. Now I'ma get you pregnant while you make breakfast.

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Me 17 years old: Hey, girl, you are hot how old are you? Girl: 14. Me: What but you have enormous... Never mind, uh nice evening huh?... My friend: Big boobs on er huh? I would have hit on her too had it not been for... Me: Shut up... Crap! Moral: That was a crappy day!

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Did anyone ever tell you you smell like Catalina? Did anyone ever tell you you smell like a cat?

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Are you an electrician? Cuz' you turn me on.

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Do you have Groupon? *wait for response* Because you look fucking cheap

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Hey baby, i like your hair -girl takes off wig

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hey Herpes Go Away!

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Woman: You've got the body of a god, too bad that it's Buddha... Man: You've got the face of a Princess, too bad that it's Diana.

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Hey baby, my name is Richard Gozinia. But my friends call me Dick. Dick Gozinia.

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-I wish i were DNA helicase so i could unzip your genes. -You're a loser

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Guy: I lost my phone number, Can I have yours? Girl: Your phone service would help you get a new one.

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"You look like an angel that fell from heaven and hit its face on the pavement."

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Do you live around here often?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!