Your eyes are the color of my toilet water.

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Guy: Can I have your number ? Girl: We are six.

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Hey are you on your period? Because I've been following you and I've noticed there's a blood stain on your ass...

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I'm a bad lover. I once caught a peeping tom booing me.-Rodney Dangerfield

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Her: Guess what? Him: What? Her Yo Mama! Him: Is she that slut i did last night?

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Man - How was your trip from heaven? Woman - Great... until now.

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Are those space pants? Cause there's not enough space in my house to fit your ass.

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Hey, I your dad a baker?...Cuz it would be really cool if he were a baker.

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-- Hey, can I have your number? -- 12

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WOMAN! GO MAKE ME A SANDWICH NOW! Girl: But I do not even know you!? Man: Oh... uh.. hi sexy.. wanna get to know me?

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Me 17 years old: Hey, girl, you are hot how old are you? Girl: 14. Me: What but you have enormous... Never mind, uh nice evening huh?... My friend: Big boobs on er huh? I would have hit on her too had it not been for... Me: Shut up... Crap! Moral: That was a crappy day!

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Do you have Groupon? *wait for response* Because you look fucking cheap

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Hey baby, if I could rearrange the alphabet U and I would have sex.

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Ay girl, those jeans make your ass look fat. Now I'ma get you pregnant while you make breakfast.

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Did anyone ever tell you you smell like Catalina? Did anyone ever tell you you smell like a cat?

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What's a good comeback if a guy asked me "Bring me a sandwich"?? -COmeback with the goddamn sandwich

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-I wish i were DNA helicase so i could unzip your genes. -You're a loser

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I like your shirt, it would look better in my pants

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Do you live around here often?

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Hey baby, i like your hair -girl takes off wig

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Woman: You've got the body of a god, too bad that it's Buddha... Man: You've got the face of a Princess, too bad that it's Diana.

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Hey baby, my name is Richard Gozinia. But my friends call me Dick. Dick Gozinia.

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hey Herpes Go Away!

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- you are in my mind everyday - and your in my way

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!