- hey ;) - hey, yourself. - if i wanted my comeback, i would've wiped it off your mom's face.

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-I better drive you home, miss. Because you're a woman and you can't drive. Get it?

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boy: my dick is 10 inches girl: mine's too

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-I'm addicted to yes, and I'm allergic to no. So what's it gonna be? -I'll start dialing 911 for you now.

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Hey baby, wanna make $50?

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Don't worry, I love fat birds....why are you crying?

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Male: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Female: Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore

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man:hey can you help me look for my dog i lost him in this cheap motel room girl: oh really i didnt know rotten garbage like you actully a had a friend even if it is a pet!

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Boy: If i can rearrange the keyboard, i'll put U and I next to each other Girl: It's already together dumbass

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-Did it hurt -What when i fell from heaven? -No when you fell from the ugly tree and hit every single branch on the way down

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-You look like a dream. -Go back to sleep.

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if you were my sister i'd totally get with you.

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-If I saw you naked, I'd die happy. -If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

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Baby, I love every muscle in your body... Especially mine.

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- Your body is like a temple. - Sorry, there are no services today.

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-I can see forever in your eyes. -But all I can see is never in yours.

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Does this rag smell like chloroform?

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I'm heading back to my place. You want to come? Sorry, you strike me as a person who comes all by himself.

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I heard you were looking for a STUD, well I have an STD all I need is U

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Walking to your car alone later?

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Your body would look good in my trunk.

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Six simple words: I'm not gay, but I'll learn.

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-Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots? -Sorry, I don't date outside my species.

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Can I have your number? -I don't have one.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!