What's a good comeback if a guy asked me "Bring me a sandwich"?? -COmeback with the goddamn sandwich

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Are you a parking ticket? Cause you got fine written all over you.

thumb_up thumb_down -79

Woman and man on picnicking date at the forest: (Man gets bit in his pingas by a snake..) Man: ARGH! HEALP HEALP! Woman: OMG! I have to call the doctor! RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING Doctor! My date was bitten by a poisonous snake! What can we do! Doctor: The only option would be to suck the poison out of the bitten area or else he will probably die... "Click" Man: ARGH! WHAT DID THE DOCTOR SAY! PLEASE ITS GETTING NUMB! WHAT DID HE SAY! Woman: He said you are gonna die... :( Moral: She may not have sucked, but this sure did :P

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Is it true you black men are as hung as a horse? Uh lady, no idea I like ignore their stuff. Yeah but you know, I seen a lot of them and they are huge and look salty an... Woman! Im so outta here! Moral: Now the man is goin! C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER!

thumb_up thumb_down -98

Hey baby, my name is Richard Gozinia. But my friends call me Dick. Dick Gozinia.

thumb_up thumb_down +163

Do you live around here often?

thumb_up thumb_down +159

"You look like an angel that fell from heaven and hit its face on the pavement."

thumb_up thumb_down +159

If you were attacked by a bear with chainsaw arms i hope it stays away from your face, because I think you're cute.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Hey, I your dad a baker?...Cuz it would be really cool if he were a baker.

thumb_up thumb_down -39

If i don't have sex in 30 seconds i'll have to kiss you

thumb_up thumb_down -157

I like your shirt, it would look better in my pants

thumb_up thumb_down -179

Do you have Groupon? *wait for response* Because you look fucking cheap

thumb_up thumb_down +124

here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Hey baby, if I could rearrange the alphabet U and I would have sex.

thumb_up thumb_down +85

Did anyone ever tell you you smell like Catalina? Did anyone ever tell you you smell like a cat?

thumb_up thumb_down +65

Dont blame me for using moral all the time its just part of my sig...nature XD Moral: Not a pick up line, so its pretty anti.

thumb_up thumb_down +132

Are you an electrician? Cuz' you turn me on.

thumb_up thumb_down +54

- you are in my mind everyday - and your in my way

thumb_up thumb_down +131

Hey baby, i like your hair -girl takes off wig

thumb_up thumb_down +37

MAN- Wanna have sex? WOMAN- No get away from me you freak?!!! MAN- Well... I gave you a choice...

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Do women shake the petrol pump after filling or is that just a guy thing?

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Man: (Ugh worst food ever). Girl: U like it? Man: I love it girl! Girl: Aww, I am gonna make this every day ever! Moral: Hey, if she got big tits, then keep lying.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Nice legs what time do they open

thumb_up thumb_down -92

At a bar... sigh... Woman: Hey cutie wanna go home? "Man" hello I am twelve... what is this? Moral: Hello I am eight... what is this?

thumb_up thumb_down +105

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!