jack sanders

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You must have a large mass because i am highly attracted to you

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- If you were a booger I'd pick you first - If you were a booger I'd throw you away...

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You have a laugh like my favorite porn star.

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Man: May I have this dance? Woman: Take it, it's all yours [goes away]

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Hey are you on your period? Because I've been following you and I've noticed there's a blood stain on your ass...

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Me: Hey lady, you are so fucking hot I want to... Lady: FUCK ME PLEASE ME SO HORNY! Moral: One can always dream... *yawn* Zzzzzzzmooth...

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Business Y U No Advertise?

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can i just touch your face for like, a couple seconds.

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Hey baby, i like your hair -girl takes off wig

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Hey babe, where've you been all my life. Well let's see, I used to live up north in Newcastle then I moved to Liverpool and I'm just down here in London for one day on work.

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Man - "Does this smell like chloroform to you?" Woman - "Yes it does."

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Hitler: Hey Mädchen, du bist Jude? Girl: What? Hitler: Ärmel hochkrempeln, ich brauche deine Nummer.

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Do you have an STD? No. DO you want one??

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Did it hurt? Did what hurt? When you fell from heaven.. and crushed all the people below (for a fat girl)

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Roses are red Violets are blue Go out with me Or you face'll be those colors, too!

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-Hi how are y... -just a minute, I need to drop a shit, be back in a sec.

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If i don't have sex in 30 seconds i'll have to kiss you

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Hi girls... whos coming home with me? And please dont reject me because I am a rich man and rejection makes me throw thousand dollar bills at random.

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"You look like an angel that fell from heaven and hit its face on the pavement."

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I scream, You scream, The Police come, It's Awkward...

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He - Nice shoes. She - Thanks. He - But i think they would look better in my pants.

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Are you an electrician? Cuz' you turn me on.

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- I can make your wildest dreams come true. - I know. I had this nightmare some creep wouldn't leave me alone...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!