him: why are you so gorgeous? her: i dont know i guess my parents had some really good sex.

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Woman: Seriously you are like the perfect man, I barely even met you and want to marry you already! What is your name by the way? Guy: My name is Le Petite Chessedeburger Withnowhitesauce! Woman: I am gay by the way, gotta go feed my uh... my wife yeah my wife.

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Is there a mirror in your pocket?... Because if so, you should probably take it out and, uh, fix what you have going on there.

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Male: Hey babe! Wanna come to my house for a party? Female: Sorry! Don't have my herpes shot!

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Shall I compare you to a summer's day? Damn you're hot!

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"I prefer animals... but your so ugly you remind me of my dog"

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Is your father a gardener? -No, why? ..Because I was wondering what a cactus like you doing in a place like this.

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Holla holla holla, ill be there like right now, its a bit far. But dawg, did you say you are both at work and banging a chick? Someone is bragging here yo son! Anyways, phone is dead, gotten towed like 50-60 times in total (not only the freeway), and... Nah man, its cool, you know I dont really ask for much, I mean I can still pay you something. Yeah your skinny bitch hands, you can slap me 50 times son.

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- If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U and I together - U and me - Grammer freak

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I'm jealous of every girl that hugs you, Because for that one second she held my entire world.

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Girl, did it hurt when you got dragged up all the way from hell? Moral: The hell with morals!

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How do you know where gonna have sex tonight.Im stronger than you.

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Wanna go back to my place and watch some CarVideos?

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Ma'am, I'm sorry I'd like to ask a favour. Yes? Well, my penis died and I was wondering if I could bury it in your vagina?

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Boy: Are you Mc Donalds? Girl: Why because your loving it? Boy: No because ur fat and greasy!

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Is it hot in here or are you just suffocating me in this relationship

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Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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Guy: You look two times as beautiful with makup on. Girl: Really? I think you would too.

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"Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven?" "Yes. I ruptured my bowels upon impact."

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Man: Hey I am the hunk that writes the stories with morals, and I thumb them up myself... since they mostly get thumbed down slower that way... Ladies: REALLY! WOW WE NEVER THOUGHT WE WOULD MEET A CELEBRITY! LETS HAVE AN ORGY! Man: HEY! LADIES WAIT WAIT! ONLY 8 AT THE TIME! HELP I AM GETTING GRAPED!... Anyway who am I kidding please proceed but stop fighting over the joystick I have enough joy to all thanks to my writing progress!¨ Moral: His-tory AKa My-Story, and you know that they say that the winners are the one to write history ;), and if you do not know what I mean, you are probable banging me too right now... (true story)

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Roses are red Violets are blue I'm using my hand but thinking of you ;)

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Mother: Fuck me son fuck me harder. Me: Mother no! My body is not ready aaaaaaaaaarghhh! Moral: Why do dreams have to stop when it gets good? Dont know son, ready for round two?

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You have lovely eyes. They'll look better in a pile on my floor in the morning.

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What happens if an Internet troll has a heart attack Doesn't matter nobody will care

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!