Man: Hey is your name Zelda? Woman: Huh? What kind of stupid name is THAT! Man: EXCUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSE ME PRINCESS! Woman: What a dork... Moral: The man did not link with the woman that night... nor ever it seems...

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Hey baby, if I could rearrange the alphabet U and I would have sex.

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If you were attacked by a bear with chainsaw arms i hope it stays away from your face, because I think you're cute.

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Are you a parking ticket? Cause you got fine written all over you.

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It's not rape if you say "Surprise!"

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Your eyes are the color of my toilet water.

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-If I could arrange the alphabet, that would be cool.

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"Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?"

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- If you were a booger I'd pick you first - If you were a booger I'd throw you away...

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MAN- Wanna have sex? WOMAN- No get away from me you freak?!!! MAN- Well... I gave you a choice...

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-I wish i were DNA helicase so i could unzip your genes. -You're a loser

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M: You make me wanna be a terrorist! W: Why? M: I so wanna blow on you right now...

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Guy: I lost my phone number, Can I have yours? Girl: Your phone service would help you get a new one.

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Skilled man enters a bar: Man: Lady, I am a scientist... Lady: So? Man: I also have black belt in several martial arts... Lady: Your point? Man: uh... I have uh... Lady: Sigh... *gets up and leaves* Moral: Knowing what and how to be attractive to women is an art on its own...

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Hey baby, my name is Richard Gozinia. But my friends call me Dick. Dick Gozinia.

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Do you have Groupon? *wait for response* Because you look fucking cheap

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Did anyone ever tell you you smell like Catalina? Did anyone ever tell you you smell like a cat?

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Man: (Ugh worst food ever). Girl: U like it? Man: I love it girl! Girl: Aww, I am gonna make this every day ever! Moral: Hey, if she got big tits, then keep lying.

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WOMAN! GO MAKE ME A SANDWICH NOW! Girl: But I do not even know you!? Man: Oh... uh.. hi sexy.. wanna get to know me?

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Hey baby, i like your hair -girl takes off wig

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You remind me of America. How so? Because you so fat!

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why cant you comb your hair cuz you got cancer othere guy :ahahahaah fag

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Mens most noob things to say during sex: "Thank you" "Do I really get all this for free?" "Sure you don't want me to pay you?" "MOTHER!" *crying* "You`re wet down there! Did you just pee yourself? DISGUSTING!!!" "I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!" "STOP SUCKING CUZ IM ABOUT TO CUM!!"

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Guy: Have you ever been surfing? Girl: No; Yes Guy: Wanna surf in my jizz?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!