Me noob days again: She: So, you like it here sweetheart? Me: Excuse me, why the hell are you rubbing my leg? She: Would you prefer I rub something else? Me: What the hell am I doing here anyways Duh! Then I sober up at home... And ran towards the shower, its really not that easy to drown yourself to death in a shower is it?

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Hey baby, if I could rearrange the alphabet U and I would have sex.

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Are you a parking ticket? Cause you got fine written all over you.

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- If you were a booger I'd pick you first - If you were a booger I'd throw you away...

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-If I could arrange the alphabet, that would be cool.

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If you were attacked by a bear with chainsaw arms i hope it stays away from your face, because I think you're cute.

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It's not rape if you say "Surprise!"

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Your eyes are the color of my toilet water.

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"Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?"

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Guy: I lost my phone number, Can I have yours? Girl: Your phone service would help you get a new one.

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You remind me of America. How so? Because you so fat!

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-I wish i were DNA helicase so i could unzip your genes. -You're a loser

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MAN- Wanna have sex? WOMAN- No get away from me you freak?!!! MAN- Well... I gave you a choice...

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Man: (Ugh worst food ever). Girl: U like it? Man: I love it girl! Girl: Aww, I am gonna make this every day ever! Moral: Hey, if she got big tits, then keep lying.

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Hey baby, my name is Richard Gozinia. But my friends call me Dick. Dick Gozinia.

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Do you have Groupon? *wait for response* Because you look fucking cheap

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M: You make me wanna be a terrorist! W: Why? M: I so wanna blow on you right now...

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Mens most noob things to say during sex: "Thank you" "Do I really get all this for free?" "Sure you don't want me to pay you?" "MOTHER!" *crying* "You`re wet down there! Did you just pee yourself? DISGUSTING!!!" "I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!" "STOP SUCKING CUZ IM ABOUT TO CUM!!"

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Skilled man enters a bar: Man: Lady, I am a scientist... Lady: So? Man: I also have black belt in several martial arts... Lady: Your point? Man: uh... I have uh... Lady: Sigh... *gets up and leaves* Moral: Knowing what and how to be attractive to women is an art on its own...

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why cant you comb your hair cuz you got cancer othere guy :ahahahaah fag

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Did anyone ever tell you you smell like Catalina? Did anyone ever tell you you smell like a cat?

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Hey baby, i like your hair -girl takes off wig

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WOMAN! GO MAKE ME A SANDWICH NOW! Girl: But I do not even know you!? Man: Oh... uh.. hi sexy.. wanna get to know me?

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Me: Honestly, I just want to RAPING you. Woman: YES PLEASE! Me: Fuck off its not RAPING it its consensual... Moral: Yeah sometimes they say yes, its when they say no I become shadow made flesh... ...And wait for you... Am I here?... NOPE Ill get you rawr I will now stalk you silently for hours... days... Anyway im bored your nothing ... Moral: SAY YES YOU MUCKING MIDIOT!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!